magical stardust ☺
J.
"an attempt to make sense of and articulate the thoughts running through my head."
♥ bold italic strikeout underline♡
TAGBOARD.
PEEKTURES.
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:D
i got advanced, thank God. but somehow, seeing some of your friends failing the re-exams and being retained/superannuated sucks. esp phua tai hong!
omg, i feel damn sad that he's been superannuated. its just, idk how to say but yeah. esp since i got closer to him after our sea expedition and all :(
tai hong, take care alright! and all the best in poly. i'll seriously miss you next year.
mr mark wong is damn mean okay. what the hell haha. emilia and me were going to the toilet, then we met him on the way.
mr wong - (to emilia) did you sign up for OSL?
emilia - yup
mr wong - ahhh why!
emilia - cause i dont wanna go for your mock UN thing :P
mr wong - (whacks em on the head, turns to me) you? OSL?
me - haha yup yup!
mr wong - (points to my ankle) you deserve that!
and he walked away. HAHAHA bloody shit him.
anyways, to those who showed their concern, yup i'm okay! i think it improved alot alr! at some points in time i can actually walk normally. just that it might hurt after a while.
oh oh. thanks kuang jie for agreeing to go to school with me today (:
damn stupid, i was limping every where i went.
and the leadership seminar was BORING. omg. to the extent that i ended up decorating my handout.
haha later on i moved up one row and talked to ming xuan. wth, his radar seriously damn powerful. i still wanna know how he figured out about the L thing. haha today he kept teasing me about my ankle and L -.-"
he's seriously a girl in disguise i tell you. he gossips ALOT. haha
lijiang meeting afterwards, and miss toh said that if my ankle doesnt heal by the time we go trekking in lijiang they might put me on a horse. !!!! not fun anymore!
dear ankle, PLEASE HEAL! i wanna trek in lijiang!
i was waiting at the bus stop for 136, along came nurul, eating waffle. super tempting omg. haha later linus came along, 136-ed together and we were having this random convo that landed us at serangoon gardens' mcdonalds for mcflurry. HAHA thanks for the treat (: it'll be my turn the next time.
lijiang, lijiang, lijiang. somehow, i seriously dont feel like going anymore! :(
oh wells.
you had another chance, you screwed it up on your own accord.
i'm tired of your lip service.
seriously.
what i heard today, yeah its obvious you totally forgot what you told me at the very beginning.
but its okay. i dont need it.
like i said before, you aint indispensable.
seriously, before you say anything the next time, please mean it.
freak.
oh wells.
none of my business anw.
i'm washing my hands off.
Labels: freak; but thats life, its a good day.
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(: (: (:
went to the chinese doctor today. grace accompanied me there! more like i asked her to. but yeah. thanks alot! but she had fun watching me limp and laugh. meanie. anw, omg, damn pain i tell you.
had massage and accupuncture. and i learnt something today. when i have accupuncture, i cant take it sitting up. i need to lie down. cause a while after the doctor put in the needles i started feeling faint and losing consciousness. cold sweat, etc etc. it became better after lying down.
and yup its way better now. but dumb luh, we didnt know the one near our house was open. until we were on our way back. the one my mum goes to is close today, so i asked grace if she knew of any near our house.
grace - oh oh there's the suspicious looking one.
i thought she meant the super run down shop. so i said i didnt wanna go there. but apparently not. i felt uber dumb. i limped all the way to serangoon central for nothing -.-"
but okay la, afterall the doc i went to was super nice! we talked about education and all while waiting for the accupuncture thing to be done. and crazy can, she wanted her child to get 95% plus for chinese. which is OMG. although they're from china, its still uber impossible sounding haha.
anw, to those who asked, thanks for your concern, its way better now (: (: (:
but its still swollen though.
results tmr, oh my gosh. i dont know what to expect. but oh wells. God has a plan for us, so if i dont advance, so be it (: he's the author of our destiny. everything's planned out for us, we can't change it.
...and i dont know what to do.
'why habour such emotions? it'll only disrupt your life.
you have the opportunity and you're throwing it away.
nothing will ever be the same.
you control your destiny.
you can make things way better when they ever were.
she can say what she says and no one can stop her.
but you can change your own choice.
its your life you make the decision to change and not her.
who cares what others think as long as you are happy thats enough =D'
-regina
to be honest, i dont know what the next step should be.
i'm confused.
all of a sudden, i remembered what mingyang/mingyong said during DG the last time i was there. we were discussing one question, and i suddenly asked how we would know if we are acting according to God's will for us, or if we're simply acting on our own accord, based on our wisdom.
he told me that its just as though we're at point A, and we want to get to point B.
ultimately, cause of His plan for us, we will still reach B.
along the way, we might face detours, etc etc.
thats what we choose to do.
whether or not we turn left or turn right, its up to us to decide.
but God made it such a way that all these turns are part of the process only.
they will not have any impact on the outcome.
in a way, all roads lead to point B.
rawr. this's turning out worse than i thought it would be.
Lord, please help me.
and to you, i'm sorry.
just one last thing.
yeah, i guess i didnt know what to say in your face.
you're right, i felt that it was easier to get it off my chest through my blog. its an outlet for me, my rant-bin. that's one of the reasons why this is locked and only those close to me are invited. i dont invite any random tom, dick or harry.
cause i know that these people know what's going on, and no misunderstandings will arise.
although you did misread some parts. but now you know what i truly meant when i said i lied that day.
nonetheless, i'm sorry for that day. i guess that was just to save my skin.
Labels: and move on its time to let go, freak; but thats life, i still love you my friend, i'm never turning back again, SRGCE LiJiang (:
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damn, i sprained my ankle during trekking today. retarded, my group was going down, while marc's group was going up. he saw me, then he stretched out his hand to offer help.
me - nevermind la.
immediately, i tripped. i landed on my ankle instead. and it was uber pain i tell you. got better after a while, we started back up the steps. marc was holding on to me, but after a while he saw that i was okay and he let go. and idk how, i tripped again. not as bad as the first. i didnt land on my ankle or anything, just that i kinda lost my footing or smth. haha after that he held on to me again. regina and irwin were also with us. initially i was walking with regina. the 2 guys were at the back. but idk, they ended up in front of us.
regina - eh the two of you supposed to walk behind us. how come suddenly you all in front of us uh?
irwin - orh. sorry sorry.
HAHA. and the other guys took turns carrying my bag. thank you! at least it was during the last route of the last circuit that i sprained my ankle. (:
bus-ed and mrt-ed with yunjia to our lunch venue, ended up at united square. and i realised one thing. when you sprain your ankle, you shouldn't sit down for prolonged periods of time, cause otherwise you'll have a hard time when you stand up to walk again. sucks i tell you. and i realised its been ages since i last sprained my ankle. i almost forgot how it feels like. ended up bus-ing home from novena, cause the walking distance is way lesser. plus my ankle started swelling too.
ice-d it when i reached home, and i realised the pain became more intense. and i thought i could not go to the physician for a massage. plus the one near my house most probably won't be open tmr. so i have to go all the way to serangoon central. oh my gosh. this sucks, seriously. i feel like staying at home and not going anywhere. didn't even go for youth service just now, i dont think i'll go for sunday service tmr too.
that aside, i seriously need to get a hiking bag. the one my bro lent me is super inappropriate.
firstly, its the size. second, the shape. mr ang was saying that i'm not carrying the bag, the bag's carrying me -.-"
but its true luh. although its lighter than the others.
oh wells, going to LiJiang in 9 days. i hope everything goes on fine. i was supposed to go to regina's house yst for movie marathon with some of her council friends, the ones that i know. but i was too lazy, woke up after 1pm. haha and today she was telling me all about rockband and the awesome score nelson and kuang jie got. i kept saying i want to play too and after i sprained my ankle she suddenly went, 'eh you want to come over and play rock band?'
tempting much, but my bag was way too huge. i should have said yes. at that point in time my ankle was in a way better state than how it is now.
oh wells. (:
- i'm going out of my way to be nice, dont make me regret my decision
- yes yun jia, its more complicated than it seems
- regina, i'm seriously happy for you (: thats the difference between arts and science people. science people do something about it. they dont hide the fact that they're aware of what's going on, and they make the effort to improve things. science 1, arts 0. pfft!
freak.
thanks a million. i heard everything with my own ears. geez. i saw it coming, but i never expected you to say what you said. oh wells. i wasnt expecting anything from you to begin with.
as soon as this started, i knew what you said at the start of the trip wouldnt come true alr.
i told regina what you said, and she went, 'dont count on it anymore'
yup, you aint indispensable anyways.
Labels: freak; but thats life, SRGCE LiJiang (:
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i'm in need of another genie!
1. it'll rain super heavily tmr morning and the trekking'll be cancelled.
2. stop that thing from bothering me.
3. have fun in LiJiang! once in a while idk why i get this uber sian feeling.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TREKKING TMR. CAUSE WE'RE DOING CIRCUITS. I HATE CLIMBING THE STAIRS THERE. CAUSE SOME OF THEM ARE TALLER THAN ME.
okay, that was a little exaggerated but i seriously don't want to go. my bag's bigger than me, what the hell. its squarish. anw its not mine, its my brother's. urgh.
shit, can i not go tmr, seriously. haha i think i've become lazier since we stopped ODAC training.
i think i'm reading too deeply into things. esp with facebook. gah. plus what i inferred the other time. freak.
oh wells. not like i care anyways.
Labels: genie genie, SRGCE LiJiang (:
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freak, the more i think about it, the more pissed i get. you told me something, yet i heard something else from another person. and both things are totally different. plus, it was all within a span of 2-3 days. may i know what is the point you're trying to drive across? i admit, i heard things about you when this whole thing started. they sounded believable. but when you told me that the other day, i honestly thought you'd changed for the better. i guess i was wrong.
and in case you haven't realised, we're living in a society that encourages the freedom of speech. so why can't i do as i please? you dont own me, for your info. i have my own rights. i'm not some mere remote-controlled car that moves according to how it is maneuvered. in case you didnt already know, i have feelings. seriously, what do you take me for? it's time for me to play my own deck of cards now. i guess you haven't learnt your lesson from the first time. too bad. you know what? i did. i won't be fooled again.
many a time, i believed it was just a one time kinda thing. maybe i'm like Atticus Finch in 'To Kill A Mockingbird'. i believe in the human goodness of everyone, no matter how bad he/she is. but now, i'm seeing a totally different side of you that i never thought existed. i guess you're seeing a new side of me too. frankly, i never knew this side of me existed too.
what you people agreed upon is true. i admit that. but frankly speaking, is that a crime? i asked some people about it. and if i'm not wrong, all of them share my sentiments. so, what's wrong?
you know what, you carry on with your life, i'll carry on with mine. i guess it was just a solar eclipse. the sun and the moon hardly crosses path. you can say anything you want about me. i'm fine with it. i have nothing to fear. my conscience is crystal-clear (:
seriously, its your own loss if you can't see what's happening right now. it's pretty obvious to the human eye. but i guess you're smart, you can tell. and people like you won't mind. bleah.
dog.
its time for me to create my own fairytale and live happily ever after.
oh by the way, i only purchased a one-way ticket, and i don't have any intentions to purchase a return ticket. i'm happy where i am, with the people over on the other side. the grass here's indeed greener. come over if you feel like it. if you can bear leaving your side, that is. i won't mind if you stay there. i can cross my heart on this.Labels: freak; but thats life
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idk, somehow there's a weird feeling. of wanting to do something but being unable too. ironically, i don't know what the something is. oh wells, i guess its just one of my random and emo moods. sometimes, i just feel that we're too caught up with the bigger picture in life that we kinda neglect and ignore all the nitty gritty details.
idk, there're just so many things/thoughts running through my head. hearing some things accidentally, reading too much into some things, oh wells.
anw, just some random thoughts
- ODAC-ians seriously do retarded and weird stuff. the visit to the Singapore Arts Museum with the EXCO(minus sky and tania) and arini was a great example haha.
- i cleared a bit of the mess in my room. and its looking neater (:
- i'm left behind for econs and history. esp econs. i dont know a single thing about market failure, and we're moving on. same goes for history. in a blink of an eye, we're moving on to UN. when i dont fully know what's going on for decolonization.
- the new college dance is nice. but a bit to couple-ish. urgh.
- i'm too lazy to do anything.
- i don't wanna go trekking at Bukit Timah this saturday. i'd rather hike 22km, seriously.
- there's a JC2 year head address on monday. does this mean we'll know the re-exam results by then? i was thinking, and i realised that i never really thought about not being able to advance. but somehow, i kinda not mind retaining. i dont know why.
- i think i should get a personal diary. so i can pen down all my thoughts.
- i've been feeling this sense of nostalgia recently. i dont know what's it over, and why
- seriously, some things just ain't making any sense to me.
- i think i gotta stop making that assumption everytime i come online. its bad.
it was your own choice, so deal with it. stop coming up with excuses, damn it. if you ain't tired of coming up with them, i'm tired of hearing them.
but then again, say whatever you want, i cant be bothered, i DON'T FREAKING CARE. its no longer my business.
feel free to do what you want, say what you want to say, think what you want to think.
seriously, i'm washing my hands off.
you walked out of the door, and i've locked it. the only way back in is to either get a locksmith or to pick the lock yourself..
why did i get myself involved in the first place?
Labels: oh wells..
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i feel piggish. i took a nap at 5pm yst but i was too lazy to wake up. until past 7am this morning haha.
i guess i was really tired from sat's trekking and party, idk why i was still high after the party so i ended up staying till 3am to do my corrections. i reached home around 12mn btw. i really amaze myself sometimes. i guess the sleep i received yst was to make up for the lack of sleep on saturday?
today was dumb, lessons at 8am and 1pm -.-" did history corrections with vanessa and joanna at the cafe, gossiped with tai hong and desmond in between. des is dumb, seriously. the 2 girls went to buy food, so i was alone. he came, we talked. after a while,
desmond - eh the girl sitting here is indian right.
jessica - uh-huh, why leh?
desmond - then how come her name's joanna?
jessica - o.o why cannot?
seriously, wth haha.
and now i know that tai hong cannot be trusted, he gave himself away and now i know that some of the soccer guys know about J. before that,
vanessa - eh somehow i think i cant trust you, tai hong
tai hong - its okay, sometimes i cant trust myself too.
watched the soccer match with alton after SR GCE rehearsals, and omg, AJ soccer seriously sucks. goal keeper was late, replaced by someone without gloves/boots. some of the players were in PE, one was in singlet, another in home clothes -.-
3-0, we won. epic, during one of the free kicks this guy kicked the ball and it hit one of the netballers head on. wth. amazingly, that girl could carry on playing afterwards o.o
on another note, there's a visit to the Singapore Arts Museum tmr for 7 representatives for clubs and societies, and after the visit, we're supposed to bring our CCA members there and give them the tour. seriously, what's with the school and all the emphasis on the arts?
found these on facebook and yeah, i think they're pretty true. 
i don't know why i found myself rolling my eyes everytime you said smth.
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... and i thought things were getting better.
oh wells. seriously, i agree with vanessa. instead of looking at the faults of others and focusing on them, why not look at your own faults and improve on them instead?
this sucks. we've got a few more months to go, so just settle things once and for all please?
i'm sure we all have our reasons for doing things, but like it or not, we are a team, and we've got to work together. try to understand why the other person does what he does, put yourself in his shoes and i guess things will be better for all of us. Labels: its a good day., its a new beginning, that's life.
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yup, i've learnt my lesson. i won't give in that easily this time. i hope your medicine tastes nice. its about time you tasted your own medicine. i'm no fool (:
checklist:
1. mind (DONE)
2. phone (DONE)
3. msn (DONE)
4. memories
Labels: i'm never turning back again
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trekked 22km yst from macritche reservoir to bukit timah hill, and back to macritche again. miss lam's initial target was 3hours 45mins, but we ended up taking almost 5hours. haha i think she made the estimation according to ODAC's standards. but yup, i had fun, i survived. except that i started out super tired. mentally tired, physically super alive and energetic. at least towards the end i got high (:
regina looked like a primary school kid, serious. cause of the shape of the bag, and where it looked super puffy and all. haha. i'm glad i brought slippers, my shoe got a little wet cause there was a mini stream halfway through.
early in the morning
jessica - you brought slippers?
yunjia - no. lazy. but i brought socks. ha! you didnt.
after the stream,
yunjia - ah my shoe's wet!
jessica - too bad. i asked you to bring slippers what. eh i thought someone said just now that bringing socks is better than slippers?
and OMG alton and irwin took alot of ungalm shots of me, wth. kept calling me from the back, and idk why i kept turning around -.-
i had a nice time laughing at them when they had to bend down when we walked past low branches, or when leaves smacked their faces. being short does have its benefits at time (:
junction 8-ed with yunjia afterwards, damn dumb. we were looking at the bus services board to see which bus goes to bishan mrt. this bus stop at macritche's divided into 2, inner and outer. we were at the inner one, when we saw 52.
yunjia - eh 52 can go!
we were at the inner stop, but we THOUGHT it stopped at the outer stop, so we ran there. but it stopped at the inner one instead, had to run back. we looked like some retarded people running to and from the bus stops haha.
i kept seeing mr ang! i met him on the mrt to school, right from lorong chuan. and we saw him in macdonalds too. haha we were at mos, initially we were pointing to the mac advertisement and talking about it. after a while, yunjia suddenly looked up and pointed at someone next to the advert. it was mr ang. haha smsed him, and it was fun watching him look at the sms in bewilderment and looking in all directions around him lol (:
regina's party was a blast, i really enjoyed myself ttm (:
not really alot of people went, but all that went were the fun people. plus i knew all the councillors that went, they were the usual ones in the council room during the period that i kept going in.
cam-whored, played cards, heart to heart talk with rahul, watched guys getting tau pok-ed etc etc. pictures up when i get them from regina <3
cabbed to serangoon station with kuang jie, xiu wei and ryan afterwards, circle line-ed with xiu wei and ryan. seriously, some cab drivers are screwed up. i dont see their point of putting their 'status' as for hire, when they have passengers on board. wth.
recently, i realised how much regina means to me. love you dear! :)Labels: its a good day., SRGCE LiJiang (:
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you know what, i'm glad we 'trashed things out' the other day. i think we're all happier now (:
things are better, at least we all know where we're coming from. except someone, that one.. lol i pointed it out to ming xuan just now and he was, 'if we talked about it 2 months ago then she like that nvm. but the thing is that we just said it two days ago.'
nonetheless, 22nd SR ODAC EXCO, i love you guys.
and i think it kinda sucks that you realize once you behave in that manner for a while, it somehow becomes part of you? i just made that realization today. that's one of the reasons why i'm no longer as happy and cheerful as i was in secondary school. everytime something happens, i become sad, blah blah. after a while, i 'recover'. but somehow i still remain like that. weird uh.
i was reading through my older posts and realised that to me, i've cheered up significantly after my emo period. but, i'm still the same. its like a roller-coaster ride. you can't really backtrack. it takes enormous amounts of effort to.
bleah.
i dont know, it seems as though the people around me, myself included, are having problems, in some way or another. and its kinda sad to realize that as much as you want to help, you can't do anything much. yea, you can try intervening, etc. but whether or not the situation changes.. that's not what you can decide.
vanessa tried to help me, but to no avail.
vanessa and me tried to help waii hoong today, unsuccessful.
talking things out does make you feel better to some extent.
but for me, everytime i tell someone, i tend to end up thinking/reflecting about the entire event, from the beginning to present. at least now, its not that bad. i guess thats a good thing?
oh wells, vanessa, don't think so much. although i know its hard, if i were in your shoes.
we all change, like it or not. i guess we just have to get used to the new 'you' , unless you can revert back to the past.
its hard to give up everything. but like what ming xuan said, its only on black and white. unofficially, you'll always be part of the EXCO. (: (:
Labels: ODAC is love (:, that's life.
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i think its the rain. i cant help but have this 藕断丝连 feeling.
although yeah, i'm pissed about what happened, sometimes i do look back and urgh, i miss all the happy times.
all the times i was thankful to God for placing you in my life.
all the times i was glad i found a good friend in you.
all the times i was happy, and wished this would go on forever.
all the times i thought of how blessed i was.
all the times i thought that things would always be fine.
all the times i thought of how we became close all of a sudden and smiled.
all the nonsense, retarded moments.
all the laughter and fun times in which i was really happy.
all the spamming and nudging and slaps on msn.
oh wells. all good things must come to an end.
i tried to block out all the negative thoughts i had in the past. i still remember what person X said, and how i got defensive. that was how important you were.
and now, it sucks that they are true.
Y, thanks for not telling me how you felt, thanks for not being a wet blanket. i guess i was just naive and ignorant.
you came into my life suddenly, and you made a sudden exit.
and i was left hanging in the air. esp with all the unfulfilled promises.
i think its just the weather. gloomy. good reflection of how i feel.
yeah, some people do agree with my sentiments. but we cant do anything uh.
its not our life, we cant control what people want to do, they have their own mind.
i guess you wouldnt listen if i tell you anyway.
the only thing i can do now is to look to the future.
forgive and forget? yes, i've already forgiven. but i think i cant forget. its just like that. i'm not sure about how things are on your side though. i think this incident's left a scar within me.
things will no longer be the same.
i guess things will just be a passing memory.
i still remember how Happy Bitches were having this convo about friendships last year, and this question surfaced. yea, at that point in time, i was skeptical. until we became friends.
yes, i still remember how i happily told cheryl that we were wrong, and such things can actually exist. so now i guess that was all an illusion.
i try not to think about it, but sometimes i just look at all the effort you put into the other one, and i can't help but wonder why you didnt do the same for this.
is what we've been speculating all along really true?
i've moved on. but sometimes i cant help but look back and reflect on life. (:
if only we know what's gonna happen so we can plan out what to do. but oh wells. life's full of challenges. that's the fun part about it. :D
at least i'm glad we got to experience this friendship, and how you were one of my best friends and my best guy friend.
*藕断丝连 -still some form of attachment left to something that's happened, something that you're detached from.
'two is better than one, but one is better than nothing.'
you know what? i totally agree. i'm better off with one now. i'm happier, i realised :D
xoxo, jessica.
Labels: and move on its time to let go, i still love you my friend, i'm never turning back again
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i put the first aid kits in my locker yst, and when i took my jacket out today, it smelt of first aid stuff -.-"
organised first aid kits with yunjia after lessons and SRGCE meeting in the ODAC room.
thanks yunjia! super gross i tell you, some of the stuff in the first aid kits. for example, the cover of the guaze pack's brown instead of white, some are even torn. and some first aid kits have alot of everything, some have almost nothing. repacked every single thing.
sky, you should thank me. lol (:
kovan-ed with her afterwards. and i realised i havent really talked to her properly since a few weeks before the promos until today. haha oh wells. yes yunjia, we'll go out together. when we find time. haha. we were complaining about the long breaks in the timetable now. she suggested going swimming during the 4 hour breaks. then we realised that her lessons = my break time, vice versa. at least we're going to lijiang together! :D :D :D
i just realised, we're going to LiJiang in about 3 weeks time (:
yes, i'll have fun.
i hope what's happening now won't spoil our fun there. for you and for me. either we
1. settle everything before the 8th of dec
or;
2. leave things as they are, but when we go over, lets return to the past, where things were happy. the issue will remain in Singapore. do not bring it over. we can revert back to the present the moment we board the plane back to Singapore, or when we touch down on 15th dec, if thats what you want (:
on my part, i'll try my best to have fun and forget everything.
at least today was a good day. lessons weren't exactly boring, and i had fun with augustus and vanessa at the cafe before GP lecture (:
lol he took her phone to sms tai hong; continuation of what happened yst. she was opp us, so she couldnt see what he was doing. she believed me when i said he was looking through her photos. heh. sorry ness. and when she realised i was lying to her,
vanessa - wth you! bloody bitch. hahahahaha
yes, the hahahahaha followed -.-
oh wells, at least i had fun today (:Labels: its a good day.
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stickers that weren't sticky in the first place -.-
the innocent flower from Linus's OP
regina and me received one each (:
PEPPER LUNCH! :D
regina! i think we look weird in the photo.
gifts from mr tsui~
my GC. with new stickers. that can actually stick.
before
after.
my favourite drink of all time. haha
constance's pencil box
my pencil box, that cant really be closed now. initially it was cause shawn kicked it in the LT during history lecture. yesterday constance dropped it on the floor. now there's a dent -.-
haha epic. after the paper, we went to get our bags from the lockers. i put my pencil box on the floor, and i think my shoe bag near it. but somehow my shoe bag covered it and i totally forgot about it. as we were leaving, i grabbed my shoe bag and somehow i lifted part of the pencil box too. and everything came out. it was as though the box itself was dangling in the air.
oh wells. we do retarded things during this period. haha i'll always rmb constance and her 'psychological pee'
before history paper one.
jessica - eh i wanna go toilet!
constance - i also, but i think its just psychological pee. we're nervous luh.
so we didnt go. she was sitting diagonally behind me. on the right side. halfway through the paper, someone behind me raised their hand. the invigilator walked over, stopped somewhere near me. it was constance. she wanted to go to the toilet.
hmph, so much for pyschological pee, constance. haha. thats why we went to the toilet before the paper today. (: (:
to your eyes, my cloak of invisibility: not applicable when outsiders are around.
to my eyes, your cloak of invisibility: applicable all the time.
i'll play along. since that's what you wanna do, by all means. i have nothing to lose anyway.
this incident has taught me alot.Labels: i'm never turning back again, its a good day.
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yup, all things happen for a reason.
supposed to dinner at kobayashi with constance. but her parents were going to pick her up in 25 mins, so the initial plan was for her to buy take-away and watch me eat. after going into the shop, i didnt feel like eating there anymore, for reasons that shall not be said. bought take-away too, and guess what. on our way out, i bumped into cheryl! haha its been ages since i saw her. one month. weird uh, i meet grace more often than i meet her, although she's my best friend.
anyway, yup. i think that God works in wonderful ways, every bad thing that happens to us is actually a blessing in disguise.
mingyong was sharing during DG on saturday what happened to him when he was still in NS. he was considered a christian for a few years, but that day, he was struggling or smth during training. he uttered the sinners prayer, and instantly, he felt peace in his heart, smth only God can cause.
and yeah, i think the recent spate of events have really made me realise the power and wonder of God. esp what happened last sunday. it was just too coincidental to be fate. the sms was an answered prayer. as to what happened afterwards, i guess i just have to thank God for opening my eyes and seeing what i had been oblivious too all along. seriously, this incident is indeed, a blessing in disguise. initially i kept questioning, why did this happen, but now, i can see the intentions of God.
thank you Lord (:Labels: thank you Lord (:
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haha i learnt smth new today. isobel was complaining about how yuck the evian bottled water tasted.
jessica - eh but very expensive eh.
isobel - yeah i thought expensive then it'll be nice.
hemant - spell evian backwards.
jessica & isobel - naive?
jessica - eh i never realised it.
hemant - yeah its for naive people who think that expensive stuff will taste nice.
vaccinations for SRGCE LiJiang was okay. surprisingly. all 3 went into my left hand, and i think the typhoid one's making my arm ache. like a bruise or smth.
stupid, while we were queuing up linus and nick kept poking my arm. esp linus. haha and i kept screaming, wth. my arm had red patches after that. before the vaccinations itself -.-
dumb eh, miss lam, linus, alton, bryan, irwin, marc and some other people tried to scare me when i was taking the jabs.
too bad. jessica is a strong girl, she didnt cry :D
not pain, only that i bled alot. haha. but afterwards my left arm started aching, as if someone punched me.
at least its not on my writing arm (:Labels: SRGCE LiJiang (:
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i think this song does a good reflection of my mood.
What Hurts The Most
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do
i hate to say this, but, i miss you.
i looked back at everything and realised that good things happened during that period too. before everything became overly obvious to me. if not for it, i wouldnt have gotten closer to some of my friends, and i wouldnt have gained new friends.
and i think its only during periods in your life that you're feeling down that you actually realise how loved you are, and also the importance of having friends, friends that you can actually count on and are there for you whenever you need to rant, whenever you need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on (:
so looking back, yeah, all things happen for a reason. not that i'm happy that it happened and that i lost you, but that in the process, i gained many more close friends.
i became closer to jun zhe and constance. even regina, for that matter of fact. and yup, i found i new friend in kuang jie (:Labels: and move on its time to let go
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i guess we wont really learn to appreciate smth until we no longer have it? not that i didnt treasure it, but i think i didnt treasure the entirety of it. i guess i took some things for granted.
sad uh, now, even the slightest things remind me of it. even the random nursery rhyme that the particular child requested for during the sing along session during CIP just now. its just so coincidental that it was the exact same rhyme, the one that i mentioned. oh wells. and today, as i looked at the people along the streets going about their daily living, i was reminded of what you told me a long time ago. now, i get what you mean.
weird, i never remembered all these things. both the nursery rhyme and what you said the other time. only now, when i'm missing it, all these small and minute details come knocking on my door. part of me wants to deny what these 3 people told/have been telling me. you know smth? i still dont know. but the different feelings i had during both instances? explain the difference to me. i vaguely rmb how i moved aside on the first occasion. and that was just normal? that day, i just remained where i was. and yeah, it wasnt as though it was smth normal. compare and contrast, there's a huge difference there alright. my reactions for the 2 instances should have been swopped, seriously. okay, i guess i'm just annoyed with myself and the state of things right now.
all along, you tell yourself that yes, you gotta appreciate and treasure what you have now. but, we dont realise that we're not fully treasuring it. at least that's what i feel right no. like how we kept putting off stuff. like before the promos, we kept saying that we'll do this after the promos, we'll do that after the promos. in reality, have any of these things been done? i guess the promos was just a convenient excuse. i guess i regret not doing things then and then? cause now, i doubt they'll ever happen. oh i just realised. i never thought about what we agreed(?) upon. until person X mentioned something similar to it that day. and i realised and remembered all the unfulfilled wishes we had back then, and how, with the current state of things, i guess they'll just be a passing memory. yeah, i was thinking today, and i realised you made a huge sacrifice the other day. knowing how much you detest that place and how you were willing to accompany me all the way there, i just thought if it and yeah. thanks. from the bottom of my heart (: Labels: and move on its time to let go
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GOSH. JESSICA, STUDY! Labels: STUDY
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yes yunjia, i'll act SUPER DUMB when they ask tmr. (:
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OP IS FINALLY OVER!
slight gliches here and there, but they weren't major. so its alright. yay yay yay~
now, moving on to I&R. sucks to the max, i tell you. we had I&R crash course from 4.30pm to 6.30pm. went late cause of EXCO meeting. i didnt really feel like going for lesson anw. haha. miss yeo almost didnt wanna let me go home cause my ideas werent insightful enough. but there was regina the super hero to come to my rescue! (: haha she gave me some ideas to spice up my original plan and miss yeo let me go.
but i still have to submit one personally at 4.30pm tmr. oh wells.
AND, I SOME HOW FEEL THAT MY EMO MOOD'S FINALLY STARTING TO GO AWAY!
and i guess thats a reason to celebrate! gonna be about one month since it started, and its going away soon. =D
weird uh, cause i'm still sick.
rawr, being sick seriously sucks. no appetite to eat/drink. for the entire day, i only drank half a cup of ice lemon tea and a hotbog bun from good news. plus water. and, i wasnt hungry.
and, we had our EXCO meeting under the fan and i was uber cold, haha. went home, took my temp and realised i was still fever-ish. slight one though (:
oh oh and now, regina and vanessa are feeding me with gossips. heh. this is more fun than i expected. :D
Labels: gossips., OP
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had a long talk with regina at the playground this afternoon. both of us are on the same boat, identical problems.
yes regina, things happen for a reason, and like it or not, we just have to let go of some things and move on. some things were not made for us.
at least we know that we still have one another (:
i didnt really want you to know about it, but since you now know, oh wells.
we sat on the swings and see-saw, and i was reminded of the childhood days, carefree, happy, joyous. compare and contrast that to the live we have now.
oh wells, thats life. God placed problems and obstacles in our life to make us stronger people. we're supposed to emerge victorious, instead of crumbling. everything that happens to us now is just part of God's plan to mold and shape us into the people he wants us to be. we were all created for a reason.
At the foot of the cross
kathryn scott
At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love
Through the judgment You received
And You've won my heart
Yes You've won my heart
Now I can
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death You bore for me
I'm laying every burden down
I'm laying every burden down
this song was playing on my mp3 on my way home, and yeah. i'm laying every burden down at the foot of the cross. i'm leaving everything to God. whether or not i get advanced to JC2 next year, whether or not i should maintain my position as vice-president in the event that i get advanced, whether or not i get an A for my PW, whether or not things are gonna stay the way they are, i'm entrusting everything to God.
freak, i'm running a temperature, the day before my OP assessment. and my throat hurts whenever i swallow.
dear God,
please see me through the day tomorrow, please help take away my fever and sore throat during the night, or at least just between 8am to 9am tomorrow.
please help me through the assessment tomorrow, help me to give it my best shot and leave the room with no regrets.
please remind me that You're always there for us, even through our darkest moments.
please remind me that You will never leave us nor forsake us, You'll always be right beside us all the way, You'll take care of us just like how a Shepard cares for all his sheep.
please enable me to cling on to this everlasting promise of Yours.
please grant me a good night's rest, please take away all my worries for the night, so i can wake up energised tomorrow.
thank You.
and, i love You always (:
AmenLabels: and move on its time to let go, i still love you my friend, thank you Lord (:
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thanks vanessa. i love you, babe ♥
yea, God works in wonderful ways, huh. i just feel as though it was an answered prayer. as soon as i uttered, 'amen', i saw it.
thank you Lord (:
and yeah, i feel that my faith in Him has been the one sustaining me throughout all these ups and downs these years? esp in 2008 and 2009.
Labels: thank you Lord (:
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i suddenly thought about it, and yeah. i think its better to do it? its apt to close down guides in zhonghua.
even though we seniors etc wont be happy, but ultimately, its for the good of the school i guess.
seriously, 7 uniformed groups in a school is way too many. plus if you realised, guides is the only UG that has no external help. the other UG either has officers, seniors, or teachers who are directly involved in the UG itself. actually, we once had. but idk where they disappeared to now haha.
oh wells. i cant say much, but yeah. i'll definitely miss zhonghua girl guides. esp the sec fours'08.
all the fun and laughter we had for 4 years, all the nonsense we did, camps, campfire, campfire songs, all the crap, esp on the last day of guides; singing taps in low and high pitches. oh man, those were the days.
guides was the avenue of fun, laughter, joy, amusement after a long and annoying school day. haha i still rmb how cheryl, yunjia and me said we wanted to pon guides once. and at the end, when we graduated, we graduated with 100% attendance. wth haha.
but i dont deny it, the batches of guides have been becoming worse. with each passing year, the standard of guides has dropped. oh wells. even the teachers. idk, what's with putting new teachers in guides? plus, there're no old teachers left. so in other words, these new teachers know nothing. so how can you expect guides to flourish?
just like how the school changed 6 out of 9 of our teachers in sec 3. with 4 out of 6 being fresh NIE graduates. its no wonder that 3e3'07 became one of the worst classes, when we were actually supposed to be the 3rd class.
on another note, i was being random and i was wondering. i think blogger should adopt wordpress's style of being able to lock posts. so you can lock posts within a locked blog.
haha then maybe it'll become blogpress or wordspot. actually the names sound nice anw. lol idk luh, cause sometimes i wanna rant about stuff but i dont want people to know, even though only a few people can read it haha. i did think about a diary but i think i would be too lazy to update it. oh wells..Labels: zhonghua girl guides (:
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i want a genie. i want it to grant my wishes
1. get that thing out of my mind.
2. A for PW
3. EE for OP examination on Tuesday
4. pass the re exams and get advanced to J2.
5. regina and vanessa to somehow get advanced to J2
i dont mind not getting anything else, just these will do (:Labels: genie genie
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please, just admit that you just wanted to be at the same place as XXX? its freaking clear cut. i dont see why we couldnt have done what we did individually. or over msn. you just wanted to be with XXX, and wait afterwards, just so you could send XXX home afterwards.
okay, this is affecting me way worse than i thought it was. maybe because you were one of my best friends. i dont even know if you still are now. i feel that we're drifting apart; i'm losing you. weird uh, friends drift apart cause they dont see one another, etc. we still see one another almost everyday. ironical much, you read deeply into the things that you dont have to, but when it comes to things you should, you dont bother. you worry about those around you, but you seem to be oblivious to those close to you.Labels: i still love you my friend
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i miss the old me, the one who was super hyper about everything, always happy and cheerful, the one that never let her emotions get the better of her, the one that was hardly ever emo.
i love you. and yes, things between us will never change. xoxo, dear! <3
ZHGG sec 4s'08, i love you guys ttm (:
too bad this picture isnt complete.
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going back to school on a saturday morning isnt exactly ideal, plus its for pw. and wth, i'm supposed to edit my speech and slides. i need to think of new things, blah blah. wth. its annoying that its so last minute, our exam is on tuesday.
square 2-ed with shawn after pw for lunch, and i literally froze in starbucks afterwards. and at the same moment, shawn was freaking warm. at least he could warm me up haha.
he walked me to church afterwards. i somehow felt that church today was a little different, in a good way. DG was hillarious, with all our confusion about the different phophets. oh and we all learnt smth from eunice lol.
mingyong was trying to explain to her how a person can be half jew and half gentile. she didnt get it, so
mingyong - okay okay. example. a teochew marries a hainanese. what will you get?
eunice - hachew.
lol it sounded like a sneeze, what the hell haha.Labels: FIRESIDE., OP
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if only you knew, if only you knew what hurts the most.
my emo mood still refuses to go away, and its making me super sensitive and emotional.
idk why, but i broke down again last night. i thought about what i saw, what i heard and what you told me on wednesday. the insignificance was seriously too much.
i was standing near the window and i felt the cool breeze outside, perfect weather to emo. weird huh, its so calm and cool outside, but within me, a storm's kicking up.
the fact that it was one of your guesses means that you're aware of what you're doing. i don't know what my response to that should be, but the main thing is that yes, you continued.
i was at a loss for words when you asked, part of me wanted to say yes, but then what would happen? naive mentality i guess. all along i kinda wanted you to know and do something about it. just now, i was presented with that chance to let you know. i just said no, and later you even asked again. i seriously don't know why i lied about it.
why, jessica? you know its affecting you damn badly, and the only way to settle this is to come clean. but. at that point it time, i just didnt know what to expect, i didnt want to know what would happen after i said yes. childish much huh? wanting something real badly but turning the opportunity down after you realize you won't know what to do afterwards.
i was seriously looking forward to it today, but after what you said, i guess my attitude just changed. coupled with the fact that i cried myself to sleep last night after what happened, i wasnt in a good mood. i couldnt even concentrate during PW. yes, it was that bad.
i seriously harboured thoughts about just calling it off altogether. it just sucks that its always XXX. give me a break, seriously. where do i stand? its not that i'm jealous or smth, but i just think that you should know where to draw the line. i don't hate XXX, but i just.. idk how to phrase it but urgh.
i saw this situation happen a few times, and i was just thinking how blessed i was that i wasnt one of them. now, i finally realised that the feeling sucks.
i dont know when you'll read this, but when you do, can you please leave XXX out of things between us for the time being? i cant stand it that now, things are planned so you can achieve both aims together. please. its annoying that whenever we want to do things, you consider XXX and plan it in such a way that accomodates XXX. what the hell, please know where to draw the line. it's reached the state whereby i'm no longer sad. i'm now pissed, adgitated, annoyed, disgusted. its like, your world revolves around XXX. the extent to which you do it, and why you're doing it seriously doesnt make any sense to me.
and yes, i'll stay strong. that moment felt really nice. even though it lasted for 3 seconds.Labels: i still love you my friend
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(: thanks kuang jie, i felt better after ranting about it.
sometimes i wonder, why do i bother? like what reg always tells me, 'why bother?'
trying to deny isnt a smart choice my friend. i can read people. and you're currently giving yourself away through your actions. somehow, i sense that things are no longer the same. but nonetheless, thanks for taking the effort.
i'm ready to let it go. yst i thought, oh well, maybe its just XXX's personality, more open, etc thats why. but i realised, it takes two hands to clap. what you told XXX, i was shocked. and amazed. utterly surprised, what the hell. shell shocked might be a better word. i dont know, it came as a total surprise to me. the great amount of sacrifice you were willing to make for XXX. and what i accidentally saw was the ultimate. i think i would feel better if you 2 got together.. seriously.
Labels: i still love you my friend
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JESSICA IS HAPPY TODAY (:
breakfast-ed at KFC with samantha, jackson and shawn. shawn overslept, and said that his parents didnt wake him up properly. what the hell, excuses haha.
going to school today was a pure waste of time, since we didnt even rehearse. ningrong spent the time doing the 5min presentation thing. i ended up sleeping and slacking in the RR. oh and haha battle of the sexes: hemant, shawn, jackson and kuang jie VS ningrong and isobel. the girls went into the room and the guys tried to hold the door shut so they couldnt come out. amazingly, the girls won, with the help of a broomstick. -.-"
met grace, and i made new specs! :D
cut our hair, and omg, seriously, the hairdressers should own rulers or smth. i told the hairdresser i wanted to trim my hair, and she asked by how much. i told her 1 inch, and she showed me how LITTLE one inch was. so i said nevermind then, 2 inches. and, i think she cut like what, 4 inches?!?! my hair is freaking short now, so much for wanting to allow my hair to grow longer. it took me ages to get my hair to grow to that length, and now its gone with the snip of the scissors. afterwards i realised that my hair was shorter by about 2 fists. same thing happened to grace, lol. the only consolation was that grace said i looked nice after the hair cut. haha (:
dinner-ed at Pepper Lunch, delicious much, but it was freezing in the place. at least i had my jacket, but now my jacket smells of pepper lunch, yuck.
oh and yst was retarded. stayed back with shawn to do Q&A for OP in the study. he was knocking out while sending out the sms to the tkd ppl regarding training. at one point, he dozed off while sms-ing. his phone dropped on the floor and slided. stretched to pick it up since it was nearer to me. and i almost fell of my chair. haha shawn had to pull me up and after that, my bag dropped to the floor -.-"
and my umbrella is spoilt, thanks to ningrong. we wanted to film the presentation, so she went back to the RR to get the gun.
shawn - can you get the gun too? its under our umbrellas.
somehow, ningrong heard that we wanted the umbrella. she brought it down, wth. and we made her carry it around. it was pouring when we were going out of school, we opened the umbrella, only to realise that it broke. thanks a million, ningrong. did you sit or step on it or smth? -.-"
the fact that you have to get there via another channel shows alot. seriously.
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JESSICA ♥ DEAR HAIRDRESSERS, 2 INCHES DOES NOT EQUAL THE LENGTH OF 2 FISTS. said:
oh oh
your time tmr
after my group
if i'm not wrong 12.30pm to 2pm
-HeMz- said:
omg
2hours
LOL
k
thx!
JESSICA ♥ DEAR HAIRDRESSERS, 2 INCHES DOES NOT EQUAL THE LENGTH OF 2 FISTS. says:
1h30mins
math fail uh?
welcome (:
-HeMz- says:
omg
how u know sia
LOL
JESSICA ♥ DEAR HAIRDRESSERS, 2 INCHES DOES NOT EQUAL THE LENGTH OF 2 FISTS. says:
jessica is smart
omg
you mean you didn't know that?
-HeMz- says:
HOW U WANT ME TO KNOW SOMETHING THAT NEVER EXSITED
JESSICA ♥ DEAR HAIRDRESSERS, 2 INCHES DOES NOT EQUAL THE LENGTH OF 2 FISTS. says:
EH WHAT THE HELL.
IRRITATING
JESSICA LIN IS SMART OKAY!
-HeMz- says:
if u insist
JESSICA ♥ DEAR HAIRDRESSERS, 2 INCHES DOES NOT EQUAL THE LENGTH OF 2 FISTS. says:
its the truth, dont escape from reality please. it wont do you any good (:Labels: msn conversations.
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JESSICA HAS AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE : SHE HATES OP TO THE MAX.
i thought OP would be a walk over, but freak. all the preparations, and yeah, screwed up group.
haha anw today was white shirt day.
the people i hung out with were in white shirts. and berms actually. haha, i was the only one in skirt. shawn, regina and me. later i bumped into while rehearsing my speech and he was also in white shirt and berms. met nian deng when we were coming back into school after lunch, white shirt as well (:
smth damn dumb and retarded happened. regina and me went to the gallery toilets. she was memorizing her speech, so she put that sheet of paper on the 'bench' at the changing area, in came the cleaning auntie. when we were done, we walked to the bench to retrieve her paper, only to realize that the auntie had thrown it away -.-"
haha and later she told emilia, 'i cant memorize my speech cause the auntie threw that page away.'
LOL (:
went to uncle henry's to print another copy. waited for ages, while intentionally leaving our phones in the Renaissance Room so that we would be uncontactable. went up to pass shawn the photocopied slides+script, and he HAD to pass me my phone for contact purposes. annoying. haha but in the end, he went to uncle henry's with me, just to pass time.
damn shagged after only 4 hours of sleep, slept in the RR and some nice person named shawn HAD to wake me up TWICE cause there were some self-proclaimed emergencies -.-"
memorised and rehearsed speech in the gallery, and we chanced upon smth confidential (:
knocked out afterwards, couldnt even remember my already memorised script, what the hell.
our OP rehearsal with mr tsui was kinda screwed, lol kept referring to the script, used the wrong OP slides. Q&A was worse, he asked us the exact same questions as he did the day before, and idk, i think i still didnt answer the question. i was too tired to think properly.
change of plans for ODAC, didnt head to toa payoh for step training, many couldnt make it cause of OP :D haha i was seriously too tired to do anything properly, 2.4km timing deproved from 15.08mins to 16mins. had stitches, walked throughout the improvised step training (:
FREAK, I WANT TO SLEEP. BUT I HEAR Q&A FOR OP CALLING MY NAME. DANG.Labels: =)
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okay, i'm still blur. i ended up sending shawn the wrong ppt slides and scaring myself thereafter, thinking i didnt save anything. genius, ain't i? (:
oh btw, where are the other 2 people? why aren't we working on the skit and the Q&A questions together as a group?
hmmm.
"i wonder how
i wonder why
yesterday you told me about the blur blue sky
and all that i can see
is just a little lemon tree"
haha this is an obvious indication that OP is driving me nuts.
Labels: OP
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you know what? i made an indirect promise to vanessa not to think about it. and yeah, to myself too. but. i dont know why, things kept popping out of no where to remind me of it. to you, i'm sorry for constantly bastard-ing you about it today, i just couldnt help it.
on another note, the fact that i can actually talk to you about it means i'm getting over it? i dont know, but i hope so.
i think i'm getting stressed over OP. lol today was just. idk, hectic? OP slides, OP script, ODAC CIP. freak. i fell asleep in front of the computer last night. for half an hour. and i awoke to find my screen filled with nudges from shawn. lol. and i couldnt wake up this morning too. :D
oh and as a result, i was super blur today. haha we were supposed to present to mr tsui today. our original intent was to use regina's laptop to show the ppt, use shawn's laptop for the script. so i had to transfer the ppt via thumbdrive to regina's laptop. along the way, technical problems, change of plan, regina's laptop to be used for script. idk what i did, but i plugged in the thumbdrive into the 2 laptops a couple of times, but i didnt do anything productive.
after one time,
shawn - you're supposed to put the ppt inside.
jessica - oh.
shawn - smth's wrong with you?
jessica - huh? (gives quizzical look)
shawn - you're VERY blur today.
in the end, we took like what, 20 mins to set up? haha. sorry shawn, my brain wasnt in the functioning mode. (:
and, why is team SR006 always chiong-ing at the last min? it's freaking annoying. unneccessary amounts of stress, what the hell. GPP, WR, now OP. we're always the last group. freak. its not funny. not lowest point on the LRAC curve. is it? idk. my econs suck ttm, it sucks that i have to study econs for the re-exam. bleah.
oh i forgot smth.
KUANG JIE IS A NICE PERSON (: (: (:Labels: OP
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