magical stardust ☺
J.
"an attempt to make sense of and articulate the thoughts running through my head."
♥ bold italic strikeout underline♡
TAGBOARD.
PEEKTURES.
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(: (: (:
went to the chinese doctor today. grace accompanied me there! more like i asked her to. but yeah. thanks alot! but she had fun watching me limp and laugh. meanie. anw, omg, damn pain i tell you.
had massage and accupuncture. and i learnt something today. when i have accupuncture, i cant take it sitting up. i need to lie down. cause a while after the doctor put in the needles i started feeling faint and losing consciousness. cold sweat, etc etc. it became better after lying down.
and yup its way better now. but dumb luh, we didnt know the one near our house was open. until we were on our way back. the one my mum goes to is close today, so i asked grace if she knew of any near our house.
grace - oh oh there's the suspicious looking one.
i thought she meant the super run down shop. so i said i didnt wanna go there. but apparently not. i felt uber dumb. i limped all the way to serangoon central for nothing -.-"
but okay la, afterall the doc i went to was super nice! we talked about education and all while waiting for the accupuncture thing to be done. and crazy can, she wanted her child to get 95% plus for chinese. which is OMG. although they're from china, its still uber impossible sounding haha.
anw, to those who asked, thanks for your concern, its way better now (: (: (:
but its still swollen though.
results tmr, oh my gosh. i dont know what to expect. but oh wells. God has a plan for us, so if i dont advance, so be it (: he's the author of our destiny. everything's planned out for us, we can't change it.
...and i dont know what to do.
'why habour such emotions? it'll only disrupt your life.
you have the opportunity and you're throwing it away.
nothing will ever be the same.
you control your destiny.
you can make things way better when they ever were.
she can say what she says and no one can stop her.
but you can change your own choice.
its your life you make the decision to change and not her.
who cares what others think as long as you are happy thats enough =D'
-regina
to be honest, i dont know what the next step should be.
i'm confused.
all of a sudden, i remembered what mingyang/mingyong said during DG the last time i was there. we were discussing one question, and i suddenly asked how we would know if we are acting according to God's will for us, or if we're simply acting on our own accord, based on our wisdom.
he told me that its just as though we're at point A, and we want to get to point B.
ultimately, cause of His plan for us, we will still reach B.
along the way, we might face detours, etc etc.
thats what we choose to do.
whether or not we turn left or turn right, its up to us to decide.
but God made it such a way that all these turns are part of the process only.
they will not have any impact on the outcome.
in a way, all roads lead to point B.
rawr. this's turning out worse than i thought it would be.
Lord, please help me.
and to you, i'm sorry.
just one last thing.
yeah, i guess i didnt know what to say in your face.
you're right, i felt that it was easier to get it off my chest through my blog. its an outlet for me, my rant-bin. that's one of the reasons why this is locked and only those close to me are invited. i dont invite any random tom, dick or harry.
cause i know that these people know what's going on, and no misunderstandings will arise.
although you did misread some parts. but now you know what i truly meant when i said i lied that day.
nonetheless, i'm sorry for that day. i guess that was just to save my skin.
Labels: and move on its time to let go, freak; but thats life, i still love you my friend, i'm never turning back again, SRGCE LiJiang (:
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i think its the rain. i cant help but have this 藕断丝连 feeling.
although yeah, i'm pissed about what happened, sometimes i do look back and urgh, i miss all the happy times.
all the times i was thankful to God for placing you in my life.
all the times i was glad i found a good friend in you.
all the times i was happy, and wished this would go on forever.
all the times i thought of how blessed i was.
all the times i thought that things would always be fine.
all the times i thought of how we became close all of a sudden and smiled.
all the nonsense, retarded moments.
all the laughter and fun times in which i was really happy.
all the spamming and nudging and slaps on msn.
oh wells. all good things must come to an end.
i tried to block out all the negative thoughts i had in the past. i still remember what person X said, and how i got defensive. that was how important you were.
and now, it sucks that they are true.
Y, thanks for not telling me how you felt, thanks for not being a wet blanket. i guess i was just naive and ignorant.
you came into my life suddenly, and you made a sudden exit.
and i was left hanging in the air. esp with all the unfulfilled promises.
i think its just the weather. gloomy. good reflection of how i feel.
yeah, some people do agree with my sentiments. but we cant do anything uh.
its not our life, we cant control what people want to do, they have their own mind.
i guess you wouldnt listen if i tell you anyway.
the only thing i can do now is to look to the future.
forgive and forget? yes, i've already forgiven. but i think i cant forget. its just like that. i'm not sure about how things are on your side though. i think this incident's left a scar within me.
things will no longer be the same.
i guess things will just be a passing memory.
i still remember how Happy Bitches were having this convo about friendships last year, and this question surfaced. yea, at that point in time, i was skeptical. until we became friends.
yes, i still remember how i happily told cheryl that we were wrong, and such things can actually exist. so now i guess that was all an illusion.
i try not to think about it, but sometimes i just look at all the effort you put into the other one, and i can't help but wonder why you didnt do the same for this.
is what we've been speculating all along really true?
i've moved on. but sometimes i cant help but look back and reflect on life. (:
if only we know what's gonna happen so we can plan out what to do. but oh wells. life's full of challenges. that's the fun part about it. :D
at least i'm glad we got to experience this friendship, and how you were one of my best friends and my best guy friend.
*藕断丝连 -still some form of attachment left to something that's happened, something that you're detached from.
'two is better than one, but one is better than nothing.'
you know what? i totally agree. i'm better off with one now. i'm happier, i realised :D
xoxo, jessica.
Labels: and move on its time to let go, i still love you my friend, i'm never turning back again
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i think this song does a good reflection of my mood.
What Hurts The Most
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do
i hate to say this, but, i miss you.
i looked back at everything and realised that good things happened during that period too. before everything became overly obvious to me. if not for it, i wouldnt have gotten closer to some of my friends, and i wouldnt have gained new friends.
and i think its only during periods in your life that you're feeling down that you actually realise how loved you are, and also the importance of having friends, friends that you can actually count on and are there for you whenever you need to rant, whenever you need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on (:
so looking back, yeah, all things happen for a reason. not that i'm happy that it happened and that i lost you, but that in the process, i gained many more close friends.
i became closer to jun zhe and constance. even regina, for that matter of fact. and yup, i found i new friend in kuang jie (:Labels: and move on its time to let go
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i guess we wont really learn to appreciate smth until we no longer have it? not that i didnt treasure it, but i think i didnt treasure the entirety of it. i guess i took some things for granted.
sad uh, now, even the slightest things remind me of it. even the random nursery rhyme that the particular child requested for during the sing along session during CIP just now. its just so coincidental that it was the exact same rhyme, the one that i mentioned. oh wells. and today, as i looked at the people along the streets going about their daily living, i was reminded of what you told me a long time ago. now, i get what you mean.
weird, i never remembered all these things. both the nursery rhyme and what you said the other time. only now, when i'm missing it, all these small and minute details come knocking on my door. part of me wants to deny what these 3 people told/have been telling me. you know smth? i still dont know. but the different feelings i had during both instances? explain the difference to me. i vaguely rmb how i moved aside on the first occasion. and that was just normal? that day, i just remained where i was. and yeah, it wasnt as though it was smth normal. compare and contrast, there's a huge difference there alright. my reactions for the 2 instances should have been swopped, seriously. okay, i guess i'm just annoyed with myself and the state of things right now.
all along, you tell yourself that yes, you gotta appreciate and treasure what you have now. but, we dont realise that we're not fully treasuring it. at least that's what i feel right no. like how we kept putting off stuff. like before the promos, we kept saying that we'll do this after the promos, we'll do that after the promos. in reality, have any of these things been done? i guess the promos was just a convenient excuse. i guess i regret not doing things then and then? cause now, i doubt they'll ever happen. oh i just realised. i never thought about what we agreed(?) upon. until person X mentioned something similar to it that day. and i realised and remembered all the unfulfilled wishes we had back then, and how, with the current state of things, i guess they'll just be a passing memory. yeah, i was thinking today, and i realised you made a huge sacrifice the other day. knowing how much you detest that place and how you were willing to accompany me all the way there, i just thought if it and yeah. thanks. from the bottom of my heart (: Labels: and move on its time to let go
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had a long talk with regina at the playground this afternoon. both of us are on the same boat, identical problems.
yes regina, things happen for a reason, and like it or not, we just have to let go of some things and move on. some things were not made for us.
at least we know that we still have one another (:
i didnt really want you to know about it, but since you now know, oh wells.
we sat on the swings and see-saw, and i was reminded of the childhood days, carefree, happy, joyous. compare and contrast that to the live we have now.
oh wells, thats life. God placed problems and obstacles in our life to make us stronger people. we're supposed to emerge victorious, instead of crumbling. everything that happens to us now is just part of God's plan to mold and shape us into the people he wants us to be. we were all created for a reason.
At the foot of the cross
kathryn scott
At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love
Through the judgment You received
And You've won my heart
Yes You've won my heart
Now I can
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death You bore for me
I'm laying every burden down
I'm laying every burden down
this song was playing on my mp3 on my way home, and yeah. i'm laying every burden down at the foot of the cross. i'm leaving everything to God. whether or not i get advanced to JC2 next year, whether or not i should maintain my position as vice-president in the event that i get advanced, whether or not i get an A for my PW, whether or not things are gonna stay the way they are, i'm entrusting everything to God.
freak, i'm running a temperature, the day before my OP assessment. and my throat hurts whenever i swallow.
dear God,
please see me through the day tomorrow, please help take away my fever and sore throat during the night, or at least just between 8am to 9am tomorrow.
please help me through the assessment tomorrow, help me to give it my best shot and leave the room with no regrets.
please remind me that You're always there for us, even through our darkest moments.
please remind me that You will never leave us nor forsake us, You'll always be right beside us all the way, You'll take care of us just like how a Shepard cares for all his sheep.
please enable me to cling on to this everlasting promise of Yours.
please grant me a good night's rest, please take away all my worries for the night, so i can wake up energised tomorrow.
thank You.
and, i love You always (:
AmenLabels: and move on its time to let go, i still love you my friend, thank you Lord (:
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