Kinda happy today, no idea why.

Done with SOC 293's test #1 and PSC 104's discussion-leader assignment. The latter went pretty well, I must say. Although the Prof spoke a lot today. Not complaining tho', at one point he looked at us and went, "I hope I'm not interrupting y'all, I know it's your turn to lead the discussion." Felt like telling him that he could keep up the good work and carry on. Esp since D and I were kinda tired. In fact I started stoning even before class started D:

Was initially worried cause when he started class, all 3 of the guys who I was counting on to speak up weren't around. 1 came 5 minutes later and I heaved 1/3 a sigh of relief. Pretty glad that other people spoke quite a lot today; had a nice discussion. Yay! ☺

SOC 293 wasn't that okay I think. Idk, she played around with the words a lot, and midway through I seriously started stoning ._. Nehmind, it's only 10% of my total grade.

As much as I detest being graded for 2 modules on the same day, I'm kinda glad everything's over. 'cause I get to sit back, relax and chill while almost everyone else's busy mugging for tmr's Sociology of Food test.

Feels like Friday already. Pretty sure tmr will be an awesome day.

Feel like going to bed now. But it's only 10:15pm. Maybe I shall take a nap before doing some advanced readings. We'll see.

If it's meant to be, we will start all over again.

For now, it's goodbye. I know it's the right choice. Fate's kinda sadistic, don't you think? Let's see which door will open since I'm officially closing this one. Really trying my utmost not to let the slightest thing shake me; pretty determined to be firm and not waiver this time around.

What happened the other day wasn't a coincidence. More of a sign. What are the odds, really? Was about to press send when a call came in; one that lasted for 20 minutes. After the call ended, it was too late. 'cause of this, I'm pretty certain that I'm making the right choice. Time to see if you really want this as much as I do did.

Hate making a decision like this since I'm the #1 fan of second multiple chances, but this is really an exception. Yes, this whole situation made me really happy. In fact, I actually think 'happy' is a severe understatement. At the same time, this has troubled me for the longest possible time.

Goodbye, once and for all. Let's see what happens in 3 months, shall we.

If it's meant to be, we will start all over again. 
You know where to reach me.

xoxo, Jessica

Arranging one with someone else while oblivious to the fact that ours never took place. And you were the one who suggested it, the one who flew my kite, the one who lied to me, the one who never bothered to make it up or do anything about it apart from a simple 'sorry'. Which btw pales in comparison to other incidents.

*breathe in, breathe out*

Kinda prepared to let this go. The heart isn't willing, but my brain tells me that this is the right choice. I guess it's a blessing in disguise after all. But there're at least 5 more to come.. Only time will tell.

WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER, SERIOUSLY  ._.

Spontaneous response ☺

Can't wait to see them on Friday! Miss our random Friday night movies :)

Summer semester: when you really really need to learn how to balance work and play.
Majority of your friends are on vacation and vacation: have fun. Sucks y'know. I keep hearing things like, "i'm so bored, idk what to do during the holidays" and "I'm so excited about my trip!". Plus people sharing their locations on Whatsapp D:
superduperultramega envious.

Just finished re-writing notes for chapters 1 and 2 of SOC 293; gosh my lecture notes for the latter are ._. Especially my handwriting.
Not sure if it was cause she went uber fast, or that I was stoning most of the time. A gazillion fill-in-the-blanks too D:
No prizes for guessing which day that particular lecture was held. I realized that there is a stark difference between sleeping late cause you were busy studying and sleeping late cause you were out having fun.

Test #1 on Thursday, and I'm meeting the workmates for Play Nation on Wednesday. Good job.
Initially moved tuition to Tuesday so I could have that night to cram. But now......
I shall be optimistic and view that as a motivation to finish studying asap and stop procrastinating :>

We're through with 20% of the module and I'm not proud to say that I haven't done a single reading. Only for this module though! I've been  religiously doing my readings for Political Philo. Sighhhhhh. On the other hand, this means we're through with 1 week! 1 down, 4 to go (Y)

Last minute dinner plans with Jasmine so she could return me my Polaroid camera but guess what, she left house without my camera ._.

Dinner-ed before heading to this cafe along Robertson Quay to chill. Their cheesecake is awesomexz.






neighbour, thanks for always understanding me and not judging; thanks for always asking me to update you on my life. Love and kisses! ♥☺

I've had enough. Enough of everything, I don't know what to make of this. Guess it was just momentary. It's back to square one all over again.

I need to stop being overly nice to everyone, cause not everyone will reciprocate my good deeds.
Come to think of it, it wasn't an excuse. More of you making use of me; I don't get why you can't do it yourself, seriously.
I may be nice, but always remember that I can be a bitch, especially to people who constantly take me for granted.

I'm really wondering if we should cancel our plans. Only time will tell I guess.

This girl deserves an award. Brought everything for her Mac including the adaptor and Blu-Ray stuff, except her Mac. Genius or genius? Girl you owe me one for making me go to your house just to get your stuff, tskkkkk.

My voice sounds different. Alcohol irritation? Possibly.
And I feel feverish, urgh. Maybe I haven't been taking care of myself of late.

Getting some well-deserved rest these few days! Tonight's tuition was cancelled and I told my tutee's mum that I'm sick so I can't come in tmr. Half truth luh, I was taking an afternoon nap and I woke up perspiring. Plus everywhere has been oddly cold recently. And i DID feel feverish this afternoon.

SIGH.
2 consecutive days of fun and I'm really damn tired. Cause there's this annoying thing known as school.
Random, but I realized that this is a repeat of what happened at the beginning of the Spring semester. Just that this is kinda worse cause school this semester is waaaaay more taxing. Plus I even reached home at 3:30am the other day, and went to bed only around 5am.

Not really complaining though, I haven't been this happy for such a long time :)

Mixed emotions today.

1. Happy
Somehow, seeing all the other Sociology majors in SOC 293 today made me happy. In some sense, I was glad to be back in school. All these people never fail to make my day.

2. Joy
Realizing that your tutees actually look forward to lessons and their crazy childish acts really warms my heart. And the fact that they stood outside their door and waved until I entered the lift really lifted my spirits.

3. Annoyed
Seriously, what's with your attitude? Maybe I'm guilty of not putting in my 100%. But these things you say and do really put me off y'know. If you think these will make me give my 100%, I'm sorry. They only serve to reduce to percentage.

4. Confused
Are we just finding excuses? It's starting to appear like that to me. I know I was, but I was genuinely surprised that you appeared to be doing the same thing. Or maybe I'm just putting too much thought into this.

5. Relieved
Thanks for being honest. Or was it actually a slip of the tongue?

6. Tired
My readings have to wait. The SOC 293 readings were enough to convince me to shut the book and take a shower. And I was only on the first column of the first page.

7. Excitement
Looking forward to the 21st tmr! Although its a casual gathering without any cake, I'm still pretty excited at the prospect of meeting the ODACians again :)

And I'm still the queen of procrastination. Started typing this post around 1:30am, and I left the tab open. It's now 3:18am and I'm still awake.

No regrets about taking Political Philosophy. Love the way classes are conducted! And I think the class size is just right, nice and cosy. Plus the Prof doesn't really have a stand and he's open to exploring different ideas! Gives us room for discussion, instead of limiting our arguments. And.... I think it's okay not to do readings, seriously. So long as you pay attention and know what to contribute. Although the readings will give you an added edge cause you can relate your arguments to them and all.

Epic moment today when Y was trying to grab my attention from outside and I was trying my utmost to communicate with her while looking like I'm paying attention. I think the Prof saw us luh, he asked me smth after trying to look outside to see what was going on. Ass leh that woman!

And my tuition kids were so hilarious today. Totally made my day

Looking forward to G's 21st tmr! :))

So cute right! I need to watch What To Expect When You're Expecting. NEED.

First day of school was alright, Political Philosophy seems like a nice module! In spite of the ridiculous grading (which the Prof claims is the normal UB grading system).

Lunch-ed with J before her Graduation Ceremony, it has been ages since I last sang the National Anthem. Kinda miss morning assembly. Why are Graduation ceremonies only for Poly kids? JCs should have one too! The thing we call Graduation Ceremony pales in comparison to the ones in Poly.

To be honest, if I had SOC 293 instead, I'd have skipped class hahaha. Or if PSC 104 had more than 14 (pathetic) souls, I would.

Fight Club is freaking gory and gross I tell you. Using fats from liposuction to make bars of soap? And all the blood was flowing like free. Esp the scene when a body bag was brought in. The blood literally gushed out of the bag when it was opened please. Too sadistic for me, seriously. And I was stoning too much to fully understand the entire plot. Especially with the twist at the end. Uber thankful that this is a non-examinable module, and it was highly reassuring to hear him say 45% of the grades are easily attainable.

Okay, back to my readings. Feigning ignorance for SOC 293's, cause PSC 104's enough to drown me. Plus my book isn't with me yet. Best excuse ever.

交朋友，永远要因为我喜欢这个人。
问题不在于他们能给我什么，而是跟他们在一起我很开心。- @watchmeflyz

Summarizes what has been on my mind for the past few weeks.

Sometimes, we get so caught up with feeling happy that we forget to see the bigger picture: friendship is a 2 way thing. Like what bb said, if she can lie to her friends, there's no doubt that she can do the same to me too.

I guess the best thing now is not to sink to deep into this thing I perceive as 'friendship'.

因为你，我的生活充满了喜悦。但你也有同样的感觉吗？

Maybe I just don't show it. I guess to a large extent, I'm good at masking my true feelings. I don't pour out my deepest darkest thoughts to everyone who asks.

Maybe that's why some people say I rank my friends. Subconsciously of course. Yes, when my friends ask me how I am, I tell them the truth. But not everyone gets to hear the nitty gritty details, all the pain and anguish masked by my constant happy and cheerful disposition. Just like how some people cannot appreciate nature, not everyone can see through my facade.

Sidenote, I miss seeing familiar faces everyday. Yes, I still do now. But it's just one in (maybe) hundred? Gone were the days where I recognized almost everyone I saw; the days when warm smiles and hugs greeted me all around school.  
Okay, don't misinterpret my rantings and conclude that I don't adapt well to changes. I am fine and well where I currently am, just that I miss the past. Yes, I've long accepted the fact that no matter what, things will not go back to how they were back in 2009 and 2010. The last time I checked, it wasn't a crime to miss a particular period of your life.

Last day before school reopens. Can't remember when was the last time I actually dreaded going back to school (for reasons other than undone holiday homework), if there even was such an occasion.

Summer 2012, please be good to me. I need to pull up my GPA.

Somehow I know I'm capable of achieving better results than my pathetic grades these 2 sems.
Dug out my educational certs that day and I was proud of my PSLE results. O Level results weren't that fantastic but I guess it wasn't that bad. A Levels was the worst. It's that disappointing feeling all over again. Like I know that what other people perceived to be 'my best' isn't actually my best. Biggest regret of all.

I know that even if i attained the grade for that 2 subjects which was a true reflection of my real standards, things might not really change. I might still be in UB, but it's just the sense of pride and achievement, knowing that I was right at the bottom but I struggled against the odds to attain those grades.

I need to stop fooling around with my grades. My modules for Summer 1 seem pretty intimidating.

• The amount of readings for my Political Science module makes the module seem daunting.  The omfg moment comes when you realize the grading system is totally different. C- is equivalent to 70-73%, whereas the normal grading system awards a B- for 70-75%. The hell.
• And there are surprise quizzes for my other module D:

As new friendships are forged, I'm really grateful for the existing friendships that allow me to be who I wanna be and not hold back; the ones that require no words of explanation; the ones that never fail to provide care, comfort and love in spite of the circumstances. 

3 rounds of dessert without any dinner, but I love this girl.

They say that when one door closes, another opens. In this case, a gazillion doors opened for me.
Everything was a blessing in disguise :))

Craving for this again. Yes, it gets uber gelat towards the end but it's still freaking niceeeeeeee.
Round 2 in one month's time when Mr. SoldierBoy returns from Brunei!

When I'm really bored, I blog-hop. And I received my answer. Okay not like it bothers me. I'm not the sort of people who needs to tick off a long check-list before deciding if someone can become my friend. But in any case, I'm okay with that. Cause I'm grateful that people accept my flaws so the least I can do is to return the favour to someone else. And I don't really think that is unacceptable, to be honest. It isn't what I'd consider a flaw actually.
P.S you-who-shall-not-be-named, if you even know that my blog exists and if you're reading this, I'm not judging you.

I honestly think that working has opened up my eyes to the different types of people there are in society, and the realization that in spite of it all, these people are still really nice people. Still don't get why people are so judgmental. How are y'all gonna survive in the working world, seriously? You'll meet all sorts of Tom, Dick and Harry. Start judging and eliminating people from your social circle and you'll soon find yourself eating lunch alone. Okay maybe its a lil too extreme but yeah, you get my drift.

One more week before school starts. Am I prepared? Far from it. Oh and my dad asked why I haven't been telling him my grades. Stalled for time and said that not all the results are out yet. Which is partially true. But shuckssssss. I know the damn cui modules are those that are non-related to my major but STILLLLLLL.

Anyway, uTorrent is acting like some bitch right now. I cancelled the download cause it was taking damn long and affecting my Internet in the process. Guess what, it has been in 'quitting' mode for the past 3 hours. The hell. I predict it'll remain in this state until I shut my Mac down later.

Why are some people just so prejudiced and judgmental towards these people? It isn't as though they have an additional leg or eye or smth. Okay, have to admit that I was a little skeptical too back in 2010. But after a while, I came to the realization that they are just ordinary people, just like you and me. They need air, food and water to survive.

Kinda irks me when people's reaction change totally when they know about it. Come on, be more sensitive will you. Y'all don't have to shun them as though these people have some terminal illness whatsoever. The fact is, we kinda have to applaud these people for their courage to openly declare their stance even with the foresight that people will start treating them differently. Come to think of it, one plausible reason why they've come out of the closet is that they want the world to realize that this doesn't make them any different from some random person on the street. If we start to discriminate and shun them, won't it force them back into their little shell? If they're brave enough to admit it, can we please be brave enough to embrace their differences and accept them for who they are? Perhaps it's just because we live in a generally more conservative society with Chinese roots.

Another misconception: this person does this and that. Oh, they're dangerous, you shouldn't hang out with them ._. the hell, seriously. Just because the way this person lives his/her life differently from our ideals doesn't make them dangerous. Just because this person indulges in activities you don't doesn't mean that the both of you cannot hang out as friends. *face palm*

No but seriously, we are waaaaaay too conservative. Or maybe I'm so accepting because I have been around these 2 groups of people. Don't mean to sound like a bitch, but one thing I cannot stand is the act of judging others without even taking the effort to step into their shoes and look at the world from their perspective.

I start to feel for these groups of people. Maybe they're what we'd consider to be social deviants. If y'all forgot, deviance refers to the act of behaving differently from socially accepted norms/standards. No one ever said that acts of deviance are crimes. One man's meat is another man's poison. What is considered deviant in one society might be the norm in another.

So seriously, stop judging. And. Hanging out with these people does not make you one too. Unless you have a weak will-power and cannot stay true to your own values. If that is the case, I'm sorry, you only have yourself to blame for succumbing to peer pressure. To hell with all these nonsensical assumptions, seriously.

Half of the holidays are already gone. Waaaaay too fast, seriously. Although I'm kinda looking forward to the next semester! The modules look so interesting. Really need to pull up my GPA; NTR and Psychology really pulled me down. Thank goodness my grade for the other 2 modules were able to cushion the fall. Oh and I'm uber proud of my NTR grade for Finals! :D

I must say that this break was kinda well spent, right from the moment the exams ended. Shopped a fair bit but the damage done wasn't really severe.

• F <3 Fashion Bazaar with D
• flea at *SCAPE with S
• day trip to Malaysia with the girls

Cheap thrills, really. Esp since D and I went on the very first day of the bazaar, so there were more things! S and I went to the flea very late, so the owners were trying to clear their stock; prices were slashed even further. Spent less than SGD $75 in Malaysia but I got myself a top, a skirt, a dress, a pair of shoes (that D is sooooo madly in love with), a watch, a pouch and a bra. Plus some chewing gum too. Pretty amazing huh!

Random photos (that amazingly appeared in chronological order automatically)

Before Summer 2012 begins, I really hope I can meet the workmates, bb and 不可思议 [okay make that NEED]. It'll be an added bonus if I can meet Des and maybe Y/W! W has MIA-ed from my life ever since he went to MOE. Gawd, can't believe we didn't have a single conversation this year, apart from random Facebook comments and all. 5 freaking months gosh.

And my body clock is screwed like no one's business.

disclaimer:
(i) if you're someone who cannot stand not knowing what is going on after listening to bits and pieces of something, please skip this post. Unless you're confident that I will tell you what is going on here.
(ii) written after a long day, please pardon the sentence structure or whatever. shall proof read this again when I'm in a better state of mind.

Ranted to J after feeling uber vexed, and she shot this question back at me: what are you going to do if the answer is yes? I thought for a while, and realized that no matter what, I have to accept the person and not judge cause we're free to live as we please. Yes, there're morals and all to abide by but seriously, no one is perfect. We can't go around imposing our opinions on how we should lead our lives on other people, unless we are leading a perfect life. Then again, this idea of perfect is pretty much subjective. One person's definition of perfect might be someone else's definition of immoral. If I'm not a saint, how can I expect someone else to be a saint? I have no right to expect people to live up to my standards. Trust me, I am speaking from experience. It is downright annoying when someone expects you to live according to their standards and expectations. Having someone dictate your life is nothing short of being a pain in the ass, especially when their set of ideals is vastly different from yours.

Okay to be honest, I really don't care. I mean, it's your life, not mine. Yes, it's natural to be concerned but if the tables were turned, I wouldn't like it if someone comes into my life and expects me to change just to live up to their ideals. If it's for the better, I might. But in this instance, I really don't see the point. It's not as if we cannot be friends in this current situation. I wouldn't feel too good in the other person's shoes and quite frankly, I might say that I'd rather give up this friendship than change myself just for the sake of this friendship.

I have come to the realization that it is possible for two people with different ideals and perceptions of fun to get along very well. But this time, I'm gonna take the backseat. I'm tired of being the constant instigator. I need to see proof that you want this to take flight. Else, I'm sorry. I really dislike being the one to make the first move. Like I said earlier, I somehow wind up feeling like I'm being annoying.

And I have come to realize the importance of quality over quantity. I really don't see the point of being a clique just for name's sake. Y'all were once very important to me. But the series of events that have occurred over the past 4 years have led me to conclude that I wouldn't want to waste my time on people who aren't really interested. I don't like the idea of meeting up, acting like the best of friends, before forgetting all about the friendship until the next meet up. What is the use of such superficiality? This has really been an eye-opener. I'm also not an ardern fan of mass meetups. Yes, you still get to see everyone and have fun. But the essence of a true friendship is sucked out in the process.

Then again, maybe different people have different opinions on an ideal friendship. Who am I to judge and impose my ideas on others?

Honestly, I'm really thankful for the people who have stuck with me through thick and thin. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

because God is good, all the time.
Never doubt that.

Everytime I watch Gossip Girl, I can't help but melt at the ultimate hotness of Chace Crawford. Seriously, this guy is waaaaay too hot and waaaaaaaaay too cute for his own good.