so apparently, i have been very wrong about the working world. i saw the working world as a place where people will be more individualistic, to each his own kinda thing. it will be good to have friends, and it is alright to not be able to get along with everyone.

yup, i was sorely wrong. sometimes the fear of authority or whatever eats at you so badly that you are coerced into submission, against your will. and you will get everyone to be on their toes with you, even if the fear is an irrational one. then you feel a need to be on good terms with the people you hang out with, or they fear an elimination from your 'clique', and in the process, so do the people who hang out with the person you cannot get along with, even if the people can get along with you.

i mean, its not a crime to act civil with everyone, right? no one says that you have to be best buddies with everyone you hang out with.

to each his own? yeah right. more like, you hang out with the people you can get along with and force the other people to hang out themselves. it's just damn selfish please.

I spend most of my free time (on the computer) stalking Jetstar and Tiger Airway's website, trying to see if the flights I'm looking to book for my year-end trip are still available at the prices I first saw them at.

can't wait for month's end, so that i can book them and be on my way to Phuket. I've enjoyed travelling since I was little; going overseas is always somewhat of an adventure to me. except if I'm going to Sentosa, that is.

now that i've landed myself a full-time job, i honestly see myself travelling more. i don't deny that going into the city excites me; i feel all warm and fuzzy every time i head into the city. maybe it's all the skyscrapers and the hustle of city life that reminds me of the place i grew up in, and will probably spend the next few decades (although I really wouldn't mind working overseas, just saying). in spite of it all, i seek comfort in heading into towns, to enjoy its relaxed and laid-back nature, to see things i wouldn't get to see on a daily basis.

i think my stint in Berkeley, California last summer rekindled the wanderlust in me all over again. it was then that I realized how nice and laid-back life in a town was, how nice it was to just take life slowly. every thing there was much slower. even their efficiency was horrible, but ah that's only cause i've been accustomed to the ridiculously fast-paced life here on this sunny lil' island.

took a mini break during work yesterday and i chanced upon a Luxury Bag sale at the atrium of Harbourfront Centre. took a look cause M wanted to use the washroom and this wallet caught my eye, amongst other pretty bags.

checked out the catalog when i got back to the office but I didn't see that wallet online. kinda expected, since i have a theory that these kinda companies get their stock from outlets having massive sales, and bring them back so they tend to be a little older than those online.
was talking to the boy about the nice wallets and bags, and when he came to pick me up, i psycho-ed myself to forget about the wallet butttt. i forgot that we were supposed to go someplace to get  something before we headed for dinner so... we ended up having to pass the area.

"do you wanna show me?
'erm.... aiyah okay come lets goooo!'

i eventually got the wallet SIGH. close to 24 hours later, i'm not sure if it was an impluse buy. told myself that it'd be my birthday present to myself, so i should not use it till i turn 23.

anyway, i unwrapped the wallet when i got home, and the itchy-finger me googled the serial code of the wallet, and i saw this.

comforted myself with the fact that $178USD is equivilant to $220 SGD, the price i paid for it. getting something in S'pore at the same rate as the one in the US, that's an achievement right? *ignores the sale price*

somehow landing myself a full-time job gives me this sense of empowerment. 'cause for once in my life, i can be financially independent. might be a bad thing in the long run since i might buy things on impulse but the feeling is superb. or, maybe for now at least. 

i've been wanting to take the newly opened Downtown Line ever since it began operations, but there are no stations near places i frequent. so since we were at Chinatown yesterday, we decided to try taking the Downtown Line. it was kinda a detour, but we had time on our hands and i could still make it home by 12mn, so why not.

i was immediately reminded of the skytrains at the airport. and the colours of the seats are sooooooo pretty! :D trust me to talk about the aesthetic features above all else heh.

wanted to alight at Promenade so we could take the Circle Line home, but the two overly excited kids only realized that they missed their stop after the doors closed. i looked up to see if we were reaching, only to realize that we just passed Promenade and were otw to Bugis. whoopsy.

i had a random idea that we should all turn up in our odac tees, so here we are. merry christmas y'all :)

the end of HHN3, the end of a month of awesomeness. i'll miss everyone, cast and crew alike.

supposedly supposed to be studying for Thursday's UGC 111 paper, but i got highly distracted.

Fall'13 has been a superbly busy (yet fulfilling semester). 4 insanely heavy modules, Council commitments, work commitments for USS's Halloween Horror Nights, gym cum circle-of-trust sessions, meetups... even though I've been complaining about how tired i am, i cannot help but smile cause most of the time, i'm having fun. my modules are annoying, no doubt but i'm thankful for awesome module mates to tide me through. Council has been enjoyable even tho P & i are always bitching; work leaves me super drained, but i'm really enjoying myself even tho the performers enjoy annoying the living daylight out of me every single day. exercise sessions have been scarce since i'm usually too tired to wake up early on Sundays, but every time we do meet, i'm thankful for the chance we get to exercise, bond, bitch, gossip and what not.

anyway, special shout-out to my dearest Sampan Buddy! no idea how we randomly got close, but thanks for everything :))

jumbled up emotions.

why do we crave the things we cannot have? i really don't get why we torment ourselves in that manner, but time and time again i find myself falling into that same hole. plain stupidity y'know. i'm only putting myself up for disappointment.

i wish life was as simple as a traffic light. okay maybe it is, just that amber's a lot more complicated than it looks. sometimes, you really cannot tell what's going on. maybe it's just a transition between red and green; sometimes its a stage all by itself. to be very honest, i have no idea what is going on right now. to proceed or to stop or to make a u-turn.. these decisions baffle me.

i guess... i'll let nature take its course. maybe it's just nothing.

come to think of it, it no longer seems to be that big of a deal anymore. or maybe its just time working its magic. that, coupled with the fact that we've hardly seen one another around recently.

i don't know if i regret it.

maybe i was better off not knowing.

i admit, it was an oversight on my part. i should probably have seen this coming; and now i cannot help but feel vulnerable at times whenever i'm around you. but really, what's done is done. i cannot erase it off my mind immediately, but maybe time will work its magic.

you were and still are special to me, and i don't want anything to affect the way things are.

hello from Los Angeles! :D

time check; 4:31am. supposedly have plans to leave for Santa Monica tmr at 9am but half of the group is still awake. so..... HAHA

i'm not ready to go back home. 12 more days till i leave America, 14 days till i reach Singapore (cause of th time difference). too fast, really. when i return, it'll be back to all the nonsense back home. really enjoying the peace now without all of that bullshit. still remember what happened on the eve of the day i flew off. and even what happened before i left home. sigh. J just reminded me of my curfew back home. screw my curfew, seriously. exceptionally infuriated cause it was imposed without rhyme or reason.

y'know sometimes i watch tv shows and it all just seems too unreal. i mean, look at how easy it is. sometimes i act like it was prolly half by choice, but sometimes i really wonder if its just a front. maybe i'm too choosy for my own good. it does kinda make you feel good about yourself. oh well, maybe the time will come.

this is what happens when a cute girl and Asian American guy goes into Jan's room to fix her wonky Internet.

last weekend here in Berkeley! time really flies huh, seems like it was just yesterday that we got here. 2 final papers due on Wednesday, each with a length of 4-5 pages. and i don't feel like doing any of it, sigh. after Wednesday, i can legitly play and not care about school anymore! until Fall'13 comes around, that it. but yay! and i'm kinda starting to accept the fact that i may never see my eye candy ever again. sigh such is life, such is life.
okay depressing stuff aside, i haven't actually started missing Singapore. yes, i miss my friends and all but that's it. there is no urge to fly home and soak in the S'porean atmosphere whatsoever. if only i can stay on in America sighhhh. then again, i really really wanna make it back in time for my brother's convocation. oh and he mentioned wanting to go to NYC, so yay maybe we can travel together in future. when i finally start working and earning moneyyyyyyy. it's been so long since we went overseas tgt; really hope we get to travel together soon.
anw D if you're reading this from Korea, cheer uppppp! things will get better there once school starts on Monday alrighty. sending love from US to Korea! :)

i don't know if i should cry or laugh at how ridiculously unfated we are. i usually take the Telegraph route home after class, but today i took another route home. met the clique at the lift lobby and they were all, "did you bump into XXX?!?" apparently, if i had taken the Telegraph route, we'd have crossed paths. omgggggggggg. nevermind, that's the first thing.

went down to the guys' room just now to get smth, and while waiting for the lift, i bumped into XXX's friend. firstly, they don't live on that level. next, i hardly ever see that friend alone. as in the only time i see him is when i see them tgt. yes it was so coincidental that we met, so why is XXX not thereeeeeeeeeeeee?

sadkid92 now omg.

okay i realized that i'd prolly look back at this post sometime later and laugh at how crazy i am, but heck.

i want to do something really crazy before i leave Berkeley. okay i know i've done several things i've never done back home, but....

this IS pretty crazy. I really don't know why i have this sudden urge to do it. but.... i somehow just don't have the guts to do it hahahaha what is wrong with me. i'd say i'm making progress bit by bit, but time isn't on my side. left with slightly more than one week (omg where did time fly to), and fate is being a total and absolute bitch mehhhh

crossing my fingers and toes for something memorable to remember this Summer by, apart from all my crazy adventures and stints :))

Google Hangout/Skype/Oovoo-ed jesgabroy last night! :D  (see i mentioned y'all!)

and just a while ago, my beloved phone went for a swim... in the toilet bowl. *face palm* it was in the back pocket of my shorts, and i heard smth dropping into the toilet bowl. turned around and i had the shock of my life when i saw my phone floating. thank goodness i can still use it, in spite of some wonky buttons here and there. dryed it with the hair dryer just now, and i hope the rest of the water dries soon :/ it is honestly quite scary to see my phone lit up for no rhyme or reason, and see the screen switch to the power off option thereafter.



depressing things aside, road trip to Lake Tahoe in a few hours! :D but sadly, my books and laptop's making the trip too sigh. essay, why can't you write yourself pfft.

1. this is a clear example of how looks can be deceiving. i do not dismiss the fact that it might be an off-and-on thing, but that doesn't make it more permissible.
    
2. i'm not finding excuses, but i can see how your actions can be justified. after all, i'd have done the same if i were you. so maybe i'll give you the benefit of doubt. i can't help it if people cannot put themselves in your shoes, but i think you can't be bothered with what they think too. 

wait, why do i even care.

trying damn bloody hard to write my damn History paper, but i have no freaking idea what to write. really wanna get it over and done with by this evening so i can head out and party with the rest at night. alrdy gonna give up a free pass to a movie premier, urgh.

4-5 pages; and although i'm already at the 2 page mark, i cannot help but worry because i don't know what i'm writing. okay i know, but i kinda think that this is not what the paper is asking for.

okay wait, do i even care? no. so i'm just gonna go ahead and submit this paper. this will prolly be one of my worst papers ever, but i've reached a point where i really cannot be bothered.

remembering the days long gone;
like a ship that has set sail;
maybe missing them a little;
wishing things turned out differently.

the memories bring a smile to my face;
but the smile is instantaneously removed;
because of the state of things.
they make me sick to the stomach sometimes;
oh well that is life.

i might have been happier;
but i choose to be happy with things now;
no use harping on the past;
so let's focus on the task at hand;
and make the present a memorable one.

always easier said than done. prepared myself for this, but somehow i'm still struggling to come to terms with it. it's not easy constantly sacrificing your own wants/desires for the sake of someone who is probably oblivious to it all. trying my best to tolerate it all, but there is a limit and i'm not sure how much longer i can keep up with this facade. i mean, for most of you who really know me, i often don't go along with the crowd unless one whole big group has the same opinions and i'm the odd one out; i don't go, "anything" if i don't really want something.

i voice out my opinions, but sometimes i choose to be okay with anything for the sake of harmony. this is one of the occasions.

i'm starting to wonder if taking Postwar Japan was a mistake. but in any case, i have no other choice but to suck it up and continue, since add/drop has ended.

temperatures rose over the weekend, then it dropped again on Sunday night. and i think that's the main reason why i fell even more sick. there is even blood in my mucus, zomg. time to start spamming the Panadol pills i thought i could escape from.

and my body is finally protesting to the apparent lack of sleep ever since i got here. and maybe its also a reaction to all the partying (whoops). roomie agrees that i've been more wild here, sigh.

hello from Berkeley! :D

it's been a week since i got here, and life here is AMAZING. enjoying every bit of the peace and serenity here, and Berkeley is so pretty! was kinda cold when we arrived, but the temperature's rising now so yay! altho it still gets cold at night and i resort to running back into the building after we cross the road cause i finally ditched my jeans for shorts/skirts/dresses haha.

and San Francisco is so superduperultramega pretty zomg i'm in love. all the tall buildings... idk, its just the vibe the city gives me. always so happy whenever i'm there :))

body clock is so horridly screwed up, i think i won't suffer that much of a jetlag when i head over. flying off in less than 4 hours, and i'm still wide awake.

somehow hasn't set in that i'm heading over to the States. everything just feels so surreal right now. maybe it'll set in at the airport.

Summer'13 FOC was awesomeeeeeee. had an amazingly awesome partner, was part of a super awesome house with freaking awesome OGLs and HMs! and my OG was super huge too!
Best House :D :D :D

fell super sick after camp, but it was all worth it anyway. 'twas a good last event for me before i left for Berkeley, and I'm really glad i had a chance to be an OGL one last time before i convert to an Events member.

went back to school to meet these awesome possum people for lunch yesterday, yay! GeoCorp, i really really love all of you very much :D


more photos from camp when i have the time to! or maybe this is something i can do when i'm suffering from jetlag in the States teehee.

we're always chasing after what we know we cannot have. makes me wonder why we love torturing ourselves at times. isn't it easier to put everything down and walk away, instead of constantly looking at it longingly from afar, wishing so badly that it could be ours, yet knowing that it will never be?

my day started waaaaaaaaay too early. was up and about at 6:30am, zomg when was the last time i actually got out of bed that early. no early morning crankiness tho, cause J committed a superduperultramega epic blunder hahaha. hoped C was pleasantly surprised to see us ahahaha. buttttt the fatigue kicked in soon after he flew off, didn't help that i had a full day of plans sighhh. really so thankful that supper plans were postponed :/

bon voyage, Chun Wei! see you in August :))

all ready for FOC! woohoo go Geo Corp! :D

GREEN HAIR TEEHEE.

unexplained warm, fuzzy feeling deep within after Dry Run 2 and B&B. spent a good amount of time talking about SR with 2 other ex-SRJCians, and they somehow brought back good memories. come to think of it, i hardly have bad memories about the place. all i can remember are good moments. 2009-2010 were really the best 2 years of my education.

supper with the Bishan kids thereafter, and we ended up at an amphi-theatre talking. more of bitching i'd say. i missed hanging out with the Events'13 people, i still remember our bitching session at KFC after our weekly meeting last year. ah, memories.

'twas a good day :))

i look super good when i use Photo Booth to take a passport picture. but the quality etc fails to meet the standards set by the US Embassy. so i use a normal camera and end up looking like shit, but i upload it anyway because i'm sick and tired of dragging this shit for so long. after all, it's only 2 months. after which my visa becomes a mere souvenir. even my hair is ridiculously frizzy and it doesn't cascade down my shoulders nicely but heckkkkkkk.

then i meet an anal bank teller who didn't offer to help me print out a form he could have easily obtained on the spot and i had to make another trip to the bank pfft. but i'm glad i'm done with everything (FINALLY), and all that's left is just the interview and i'm all set to go! sent Kannan off the other day and i got so excited at the thought that in 3 weeks, it's gonna be me going through those gates.

part of me really wants to run away to the other side of the world as soon as possible to escape from the nonsense in my life right now, but another part of me feels like staying put to be with my friends and all. sigh maybe the time away will do me good. i hope it does, frankly i'm tired of feeling so conflicted. i want something yet i don't want it. can't understand myself sometimes. don't get how i can miss the same person i feel repulsed by, seriously. i'm just a walking contradiction ain't i.

maybe joining Summer FOC was a bad idea. i am having fun, no doubt but maybe i want to be where all the fun is at the expense of others things. no idea how i'm going to schedule all my meetups and pack my luggage in the coming 3 weeks, seriously. i've been putting off some meetups for so long cause of all the exams that its one whole long list, and it doesn't help that i have tuition to juggle too.

anyway, if you're reading this and would like a meetup with me before i leave on the 26th, please let me know and I'll try to meet you alrighty.

there is someone i think i need to meet properly before i leave, but i somehow don't know if i should. maybe i should just let things remain the way they are right now. i don't know if i should risk worsening the horrid state of things right now with my intervention. of course, there is the possibility that things might improve but... i'm really tired of everything to be honest. one of the reasons why i cannot wait to leave. no idea what will happen to this, but somehow i don't really care anymore. i think it's reached a point where i cannot be bothered already. and for something to reach this state for me.. i guess it speaks a lot. oh well. things happen. its all part and parcel of life i guess.

my plans today were postponed at the eleventh hour and i had a to-do list, so i decided to enjoy some alone time. somehow, alone time today wasn't as therapeutic as before, but i wouldn't say it was bad. in fact, it was pretty good. stuck to my intentions of window shopping, although i was really tempted to get a blouse at F21, and i was deciding if i should use TopShop gift card to get a dress, partly because of the amount i need to top-up. frankly, i've always felt that TopShop stuff are pretty over-priced. but i don't deny that some of their stuff look good. just that the price will blow you off your feet. okay i have a feeling i will end up getting both the blouse and the dress this Friday when i head back to town after the interview. this time, i have company! sometimes i hate it when i shop alone cause there is no one to give me opinions. then again, shopping with people like Nelson is as good as shopping by myself cause he just looks at me blankly when i ask for his opinions tskkkk.

the rain came again just as i stepped into an area with no shelter and it got heavier when i had to cross the road. while waiting for the traffic light to turn green, i sought refuge under some trees and this nice lady offered to shelter me. she asked which direction i was headed, and when i asked her the same question, she said that we were headed in the same direction. buttttt i soon realized that she was just being nice, because as soon as we were in a sheltered area, she asked if this place was alright, and headed off somewhere else! warmed my heart that there are still nice Samaritans out there :'))

'twas so cold by the time i had to leave for tuition that i bought a cup of warm tea just to warm my hands on the train. and i highly suspect it's the reason why i'm super awake at 4:43am sigh. doesn't help that i have FOC dry run tmr too oh well.

somewhat excited for Summer'13 FOC! go Geo Corp~

to be honest, i had reservations about joining FOC this time around, but I'm glad i sent in my application nonetheless! enjoying myself thus far, although there are people who love going out of my way to bully me like Rudy and my dear AHM. sighpie, sucks to be me sometimes )):

i'm always in awe every time i realize that things happen for a reason; it's really so heartwarming to see His hand at work in my life :')) spent my Labour Day working (irony much) and lunch break was staggered. i think they somehow left me out of the rotation D:

a customer left a bag from J's area at my area, and i passed it to him after he came back from his lunch.

J: have you eaten?
me: nope, damn hungryyyy.
J: huh! go tell them you haven't had break! come lets go.
J: (to the IC) she hasn't had lunch.
IC: ohh, come!

there were only 2 packets of food left, and I saw the IC eating at 6-ish. which means... if not for J, i wouldn't have had any lunch )): so thankyou, knight in shining armour! :D
(although the ic started calling him my boyfriend after that. tskk, you've gotta be kidding me! but i'm still really really thankful nonetheless!)

there are days when i really miss you, and i guess tonight is one of them. not 'i miss you' cause i like you;  just 'i miss you' as a friend. things haven't been the same since the awkward conversation and the letter. then again, things haven't been the same for a super long time now, they just got progressively worse. oh wells, part and parcel of life i guess; people enter your life suddenly and they can leave suddenly too.

maybe its for the better, who knows. in any case, i hope you're doing good.

hello, you. if you're reading this, all the best for your papers! fighting mode on alrighty! you know i love you ;)

fifty shades of grey was more captivating than expected, and the only reason why I'm lying in bed now with my lights off is the fact that I have some Orientation workshop thingy tmr morning. wait, make that in 4 hours.

the book was so tantalizing, I couldn't bear to put it down. this is the problem with me everytime I have a good read in hand: I cannot put it down unless I am super drained. maybe you can say that I don't like suspense; I'd rather get the whole story out straight.

something tells me I will be late tmr. what's new right. after an entire semester of 4 morning classes a week, I still cannot get up early. oh gosh.

g'night.

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.
Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually.
If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.
If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally.
Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically.
Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.
Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally.
Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.
You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think.

Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally.
How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

credits: the Christian Pundit

LAST PAPER LAST PAPER LAST PAPER!!

okay i'm already acting like its over sighhhh. someone kill me please )):
it was okay initially, like the drive and all was still there but after dinner i didn't feel like studying anymore urghhhh. speaking of dinner, W and I had a near death experience zomgggggg. in my mind i was, “omg what’s going on, i don’t wanna die.” then when we got to the other side he was, “my life flashed right before my eyes.” (or smth along those lines). seemingly melodramatic but zomg it was bloody scaryyyyyyyyy!! i didn’t even have time to think about other things, much less my life.

so superduperultramega thankful that we’re alright. and the driver was damn oblivious wth. the very act of thinking about it is making my heart beat super quickly. from this incident forth, i swear i’ll be more careful. like really. i treasure my life, there are still so many things i haven't done, I have a full life in front of me D:

anw, absolutely hate street evangelism. i mean, i'm okay if you wanna share the gospel to me and all. but please don't try to force me to subscribe to your version ya? it's like throwing biblical facts in my face and going, "here is evidence, you need to believe in what we say. your denomination teaches you wrong things." when i first saw them i said i'd been approached previously (which was the truth and by then i think they saw my cross pendant so they knew i'm a Christian) and they asked if i did visit their church. told them no and they went, "ah see God loves you so He's giving you a second chance." seriously! think they spent about 30 minutes talking to me. no wait, make that preaching. and its fact after fact, verse after verse omgggggg. i think they take the bible too literally.

i should really really get back to my notes. i need at least 86% tmr, lest i throw my A- away. which i absolutely cannot. freedom is mine in 11 hours!

made my way to Toms for the second day in a row, only to learn that it closes at 8pm tonight. zzz, wouldn't have come here if i had prior knowledge but oh wells.

almost done with the semester, wheeeeeeee~
I just need about 2 more comments on the Philo blog and i'll be done with the module, then i'll only be left with com225 :D super thankful that this is a highly digestible module!

but the annoying thing is that the chapter i was on just now reminded me so much of someone/something i really wanted to forget. it's like, almost every other theory in there is so relatable urgh. so glad i'm done with that chapter.

time.to.move.on

in other news, my i-20 arrival got really delayed, but in some sense i'm thankful, cause i highly doubt i'd be able to spare time to head down to the embassy tmr for the school-arranged interview slot. guess it's a blessing in disguise after all!

andddddd. i think my appetite's coming back! haven't been able to stomach full meals for the past week and it was really starting to scare me. i mean, its not really rare, but it's rare that it was the same for 6 consecutive days. i barely had any full meal at all, and i wasn't even hungry.

okay back to studying and being productive. less than 48 hours to freedom :D

i really don't wanna do this anymore. so damn frustrated omgggggggg. i don't exactly hate ugc, i just detest exams so much. plus the fact that some genius here flunked the first test.

wednesday's dinner kinda screwed up my study plans cause i reached home with no desire to study. oh wells, but i guess it was good meeting them. for one, it made me eat dinner. not sure if it's cause i'm still sick, or i'm too stressed or that i'm pms-ing, but i haven't had much appetite to stomach full meals this week. the last 2 doesn't seem to make sense, but so does the first. then again, nothing seems to make sense anymore, does it. wednesday's the only day i ate dinner this week, and then again it wasn't really dinner dinner. urgh what is wrong with me :/

took a nap when i got home last night and omg when i woke up it was 6:30am. 2 hours to my paper, 2 chapters untouched. all i know from those 2 chapters are key terms urgh. thankful for angels who sent me notes out of their own free will! and what's even more awesome is that the notes happen to be only for these 2 chapters. God works in amazing ways.

okay what am i even doing now, i should be studying or at the very least getting ready for school.

earlier today, i woke up, did a double take when i saw the time and immediately jumped out of bed - 7:36am. that was the start of my more-interesting-than-usual day.

- received an invitation to join Janelle and her clique's trip to Krabi next month o.o
- saw Vanessa in school! :D :D :D :D :D
- bumped into Janelle and clique [they keep laughing at me cause i told them i found a particular lecturer awkwardly cute >:(]
- headed to Quiznos to study UGC and i felt highly accomplished :D
- learnt that there's now KOI at the basement of 313 @ Somerset
- iRis & SGNext Bus refused to tell me what time the next bus was arriving at Bishan so i was forced to not take any chances and take the early bus
- realized that i'd have been late otherwise since there was a mini jam otw (thank God!)
- saw beautiful orangey-red hues of the evening sky
- my tutee asked why i was dressed so prettily today HAHA

i don't know, i feel happy today ahahaha. which is weird, considering how fuming mad i was last night. but aye, i woke up and thought to myself, 'why should i get so worked up over such inconsequential issues?'

just applied for Summer'13 FOC, have absolutely no idea if i will regret this seeing as how I need to start preparing for my trip to the States, oh well.
AND I HAVE NO IDEA IF I SHOULD GO FOR UGC112 CLASS TMR. mehhhh Elroy's a bad influence.

sorry but i ain't in the best of moods tonight. so damn disappointing; to think i was even considering throwing out that idea. after tonight, my motivation level just sky rocketed.

hello tomorrow, please be a better day. i can't deal with this two days in a row.

i guess no one actually knows me really really well unless i let them in on my life. you may know what makes me tick, what i'm like when i'm annoyed, sad etc, why i do some of the things i do. but that's only because i show it. trust me, there are a lot of things that i try very hard to hide. and they have remained hidden, unless i talk about it. every time i do, i get shocked responses.

i don't usually hide things; my face is like an open book and people can sense when i'm not happy. i talk about things that make me sad and angry, i don't usually bottle up my feelings. i remember talking about an issue earlier this year, and a friend of mine went, "huh Jess i thought you didn't care about?" well... i'd say that this is a sensitive issue, and i don't like talking about it because there are many layers of the story. talking about one layer alone has the danger of people misunderstanding the situation. after all, every action has a reaction. so i'd rather y'all think that i don't care, rather than let you in on everything.

and i find it hard to let people in on these issues, prolly due to pride i guess. i don't want people judging me because they don't know the full story. i know that sometimes people cannot understand why i do the things i do because they haven't been in my shoes and haven't walked my path. i have a tendency to be insecure about many things, but i just don't show it. i don't like to appear dependent; i want to be able to fight my own wars and slay my own dragons without the help of others. i think that if i were to let people in on my insecurities, many of you will see me in a different light. i probably won't be this cheerful and carefree girl you all know. you'd prolly come to the realization that my life is pretty messed up, just like anyone else's. i guess because of all these, i've learnt to be easily contented. no, i'm not naive and subsequently easy to please. it's just that i've seen enough, so much till i've learnt to treasure the little things that come my way.

so.. if i ever talk to you about my insecurities, please know that you mean something to me, and that i trust you. and of course, don't judge me. most of the time, i just need someone to listen to my problems.

how do you deal with a lie?
there has a been a pressing question bugging you, and you receive the answer unexpectedly. however, you soon realize that although the answer is something pleasing to your ear, it seems to be false. or maybe it's just a facade to conceal the real issue, hidden beneath several layers.

why do people present a different version of what they perceive to be the truth just to elevate their status and make themselves sound like the victim? will it hurt just to speak the truth? yes your friendship is maintained, but do you feel good about it? this friendship was rekindled on the basis of false pretences. it isn't true anymore.

or maybe you feel that this friendship is worth more, and there is a fear that the truth will hurt the fabric. I don't know, never liked concealing the truth just to make people feel better. or even to make me look good. it always weighs on my conscience after a while :/ which is also why I am contemplating coming clean about everything. then again, really really fearful that this lie will signify the end of the friendship since its the main reason why things are where they are now. okay see I am a walking contradiction sigh.

SOC 390 quiz #2 worth 25% of my total grade tmr, yet I spend my time thinking about inconsequential issues like these. what a wrong time for my brain to wander off, seriously. and this isn't a standalone case.
anyhow, really thankful for people like M who attempted to put a smile on my face in the midst of all these nonsense! :)) [altho he ultimately abandoned his mission midway 'cause I laughed at him. tskkk I was merely stating facts hmph]

okay bye back to studying! told Y before she left that I'd concentrate and stop thinking about these issues heh. sorryyyyyyy~ Jessica will be a good girl and return to my notes now.

there are just some days where I miss what we had. I miss you, I miss the old us. it hurts even more when I'm with people and i see it happening; sometimes I can't help but think to myself, "this used to be us."

and I ask myself why. what changed? I don't know. if that is the reason why we are where we are today, I'm partially speechless. never thought you'd do something like this. and if it is, then does this mean it has been the only reason sustaining this thing all these while?

it's a mixture of disappointment, disgust, sadness and anger. would things have continued to be the way they were had I/we not told you what I/we did? some days, I think about you and I wonder if it was the right decision after all. in all honesty, I did not realize that I was essentially closing the door when I said that. regret? well maybe partially.

people can tell you what to do, but they cannot tell you what to feel.  sometimes, people learn only by falling flat on their face. i think i'm one of those people. but aye, c'est la vie; we always want the things we cannot have.

unexpected x3; all in an hour.

anyway, I think I've finally caught up on sleep cause all i did yesterday was sleep. feel like a pig now zomg. was supposed to start on Philo last night but I closed my eyes for a while and when i opened them, one hour had passed. thought i could close them for another 5 minutes cause i was in a daze but when i did, it was 4:46am. no wonder a friend of mine has always been telling me i have weird sleeping patterns. I've been trying to deny it but after this episode, there's no escaping the truth.

i think it will be a good day today. and hopefully, my week will be awesome.
have a happy Monday y'all!

I think life is playing a cruel joke on me. the week i have multiple meetups is also the week with a gazillion deadlines. and the former was planned with no prior knowledge of the latter. champion, i know. plus i think i'm on the verge of falling sick. been so busy of late that i've hardly had time to chill, much less get adequate rest.

in other news, can't help but feel disappointed. ironic much, because I'm trying really hard to get it out of my system, and this actually works in my favour. somehow can't help but miss the old times, sigh. and i think there's a little disgust thrown into the sea of feelings, because i'm kinda surprised at the state we're in right now. makes me wonder why everything started in the first place and if that's the only reason why this has sustained for such a long time.

oh well, things will get better.

(i hope)

the amazing thing about the human mind is that even though you haven't been to a place for the past couple of years, you are somehow still able to find your way around instinctively. maybe its like a camera, capturing all the precious moments in life and saving it in a memory card, ready for retrieval when the situation deems fit.

spent a bit of my childhood staying over at my aunt's place in Bedok, and that day when I decided to pop by after playing badminton with Beer Family, everything felt the same. even though the shops in the area had changed, and the blocks had a new coat of paint, i found myself in familiar territory. turned into the carpark where her block was, and i just walked straight, knowing exactly where to go. and when i got to the block, i instinctively knew which lift to take, and which direction i should turn after reaching the correct level. really glad we moved badminton to the East, and really glad i decided to pop by her place. 'twas an escape from the ugly realities of life, albeit temporal.

that day was undoubtedly one of the best in a long while, although i was exceptionally whiny for god knows what reason. ventured into unfamiliar territory to meet J for lunch, and he gives ultra horrible instructions zomg. really wanted to kill him so badly. but lunch was really good, missed all his nonsense haha. plus it was a really very random meetup!

the weird thing is that although all these things happened, my day was still kinda mehhhhh. happy moments followed by a bout of 'ugh why is life like that' feeling. can't understand the human mind sometimes too oh well.

5 more weeks till the end of Spring! woohoo awesome possum.

finally submitted my first post for Philo blog debate, and lesson learnt: last minute work for Philo is impossible. especially since this is a one-man show this semester. superduperultramega thankful for Wenrong tho! think my post would have been an epic disaster if not for him :D

was about to finally head to bed, when I saw the reply email from the tenant of the house we wanted to rent in San Diego. the hell, the house is stated as available on the site but in reality, its not. so now, we're homeless. of all the 3 possible ones that are in the area and within budget, this is the only one with a washer and dryer sighh. how now, brown cow?

bleahhh okay i need to head to bed now, lest i refuse to get out of bed in the morning. Monday blues, please spare me tmr alright!

MID-SEMESTER SYNDROME.

today was a horrible day. or maybe i just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and that lessons just happened to be downright boring, horrible or depressing.

6 more weeks to freedom.

this morning, i woke up, felt lazy, turned off my alarm and went back to bed. to be honest, i'm pretty sick of school.  especially since the end of the semester means that Summer is coming. and Summer = Berkeley!

TWO AND A HALF MORE MONTHS!!
mad excited, i really really cannot wait :D

was applying for housing with the roomie the other day, and for some weird reason, her profile on the page just states her age. no name, no nothing. i keyed in her student ID and found this 20 year old person. took the risk and requested to be her roomie. she received the request but the two of us were so paranoid that we chose someone else as our roomie since i had no idea if the 20 year old was really her. so we resorted to sending messages to one another just to make us feel better. hahaha epic moment.