Emo nemo night, typed a long post but I'll save it for another day cause it doesn't make sense. Found this on Short Girl's blog and I find it damn true. Reflects what I've been thinking about recently.

You've got to realize that times change and in that process, people change too.
Their priorities change, lives change and everything else that didn't use to be important is now being deemed as important.

You used to be their priority but not anymore now.
And all you can do is to grapple with all the feelings that you once felt; the feeling of being important, the feeling of being someone's priority, the feeling of getting their undivided attention ...
All of which has been lost and most probably have ceased to exist.
Maybe in some (rare) cases, not all has been lost.
Maybe.

Perhaps it's time I stop grappling with what I used to have.
It's time to move on and let go.
Times are changing for me soon, and so will my priorities.

As much as I hate how people change and how everything else has changed, I've thoroughly enjoyed my ephemeral happiness.
I really doubt I'd get to enjoy what I experienced last year again.
For now, all I'm left with are fragments of memories that are etched in my heart.

Like how the tumblr saying goes, be happy that it happened.

Sigh. Yes, it speaks alot about me.

Really, is there no way to recapture moments?

Every article has its origins. 
But what if you cannot comprehend it?

One question I've never actually been able to figure out the answer to. I can't think of a logical reason without making the assumption. And I don't want to. Cause it'll get me started on smth I've struggled to free myself from for a long time.

I’d liken it to the dying of your hair. You dye it brown, and after a while you dye it black again. For a while, you have black hair. After a while, you realize that the brown tips are showing again.
 
Sometimes, don’t you ever wonder where you stood in someone else’s life? Cause truth be told, I’m curious.
 
Please let me know if you were able to uds this, thank you.

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend.

Guess I held it in for way too long. Looking back, yup it's not an overnight thing. I have no idea why I didn't realize it until now. I'm amazed at my high level of tolerance. At the end of the day there's still a limit to my patience I guess. And you're really pushing it way too far.

Like what V said, I guess we need our own space for a while. Maybe familiarity really breeds contempt. Or maybe it's just me. Idk. In any case, I need some breathing space of my own for the time being.
I hope the fire in me can be extinguished soon.

Shucks I hate how this feels now. I'm sorry :/

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend.

Reading through my archives, half hoping I can turn back the clock to that period of time.

I'd liken it to eating something bitter. You place it in your mouth, hurriedly swallow it down, drink loads of water to get rid of the aftertaste. Somehow or other, the taste still lingers. After a while, you subconsciously feel like eating it again to remember how it tastes like.

Y'know how it's like to remember random memories and you start smiling to yourself? Yup those.

Oh well. Sometimes wish I could travel back in time to relieve those moments, yet half the time I'm glad I can look back and say, "been there, done that."

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend.

You, don't start judging me okay. Just because I dont have any doesn't give you any right. Cause it was all my choice to push it away. I don't care what you think, just quit looking down on me and acting like its a great deal. 
Childish.

Plus you didn't know the rest of my story, so leave me alone. In all honesty, I didn't expect to hear this from you. So now you think you're some hot stuff huh?
Y'know what? Whatever.

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend.

How coincidental; the first song that played on my iPod when I pressed shuffle was a song that totally reflected my feelings about myself.

Honestly, I think I've changed ever since I stepped foot into SRJC on 2nd Feb 2009.
I'll leave that self-reflection for another day.

I promise not to anymore. It's like I told myself I wouldn't but I did. Not once but twice. All because I didn't have the determination to say no. Dammit what's wrong with me, I really want to know.
The next time, I won't anymore. Or do I make it an exception? 
Then again, no means no. Right?

I just hate this shit.
But one thing I'm proud of is that I mantained. Not a single one at all, awesome.
That is another promise I'll make to myself. Although this seems harder to keep as compared to the first one; I kinda think there's a higher chance of me not breaking this promise.

This sucks.

Time for bed; I'm dead tired. 3 consecutive nights with 5 hours of sleep and I've yet to recover yet.
Sigh.

Apparently I'm meeting Vanessa and MissLiu for dinner tmr! All along I thought I'd be picking bb up from school before going out.
Awesome shitxzxz. :D

Drafted a post otw back to Singapore, that will have to wait for tmr.
And my head still hurts from the pressure due to the landing just now. I hope I can sleep it all away. 

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend.

Y'know sometimes it's just the feeling of disappointment with yourself when you didn't meet up to expectations.

After more than 2 months, I finally felt the impact of it. Like what CY told me, "Don't say sorry to me; say sorry to yourself."

Initially guilty for letting her down; now it's all coming back to me.
Yes it's my future I'm impacting, not her.
And she's not the only one.
Really, the guilt for the other one is a gazillion times worse.
I still remember someone posing this question to me when I wanted to ignore one for the other, "you don't want to disappoint either; but think who's more impt to you."
SIGH.

I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason; but somehow you just can't help but feel guilty.
Guilty for falling short of expectations and letting people down;
guilty for doing some things that led to this outcome;
guilty for not letting your full potential be made manifest.

Its at times like these that I really want to turn back the clock to change things.
Esp when I'm confident that things will turn out better.

Sigh, I hate feeling like this.
And the worst thing is that you have to suck it all up and carry on with life.

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend., rants.

This is annoying.
I hate how easy it is to reopen that floodgate of memories.
And it always happens after I've more or less shut it tight.

Stop telling me things. 
I know you just want to share it with me; you have no idea how much i want to know too.
But I really can't.

Honestly, I hate how easy it is for my mood to be affected by something.

And really, who am I trying to kid?
I can take a pretty long time to build the wall.
But all it takes is one second for the wall to come crashing down. Or maybe even a millisecond.

Sigh. Why oh why?

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend.

It's gotta start somewhere; it's gotta start somehow.
Well I guess some things just can't be explained.

Here begins official attempt #1.

So much for hoping that the oversight on my end would expedite this whole issue.
At the end of the day, I'm back to square one.
Bittersweet; I don't know if I should be sad or glad that everything's still in tact.

Oh wells.
It's a sticky situation, really.

I need the ability to ignore everything else and locate the voice that goes, "just go straight, make no detours."
Dear God, please help me :/

Labels: i'll never be able to fully comprehend.