My life is still in a mess right now. I don't think I did well for the midterms that just took place, and because of the midterms, I screwed up both my diet and my sleeping pattern. And this is only the superficial aspect.

I have no idea why, but when I think about the probability I get a sinking feeling. Not that I should have more faith but somehow you just know when things ain't gonna work out. But in any case I was pretty surprised when you said that sentence yesterday. Feels good to know that everything isn't being taken for granted. Felt reassured, and honestly, I did not see that coming. Kinda warmed my heart actually :')

In any case, I'm open to the possibility, but I'm not counting on it. If it happens, good. If it doesn't, life goes on.

This semester has been different. It's seriously been a roller-coaster ride, filled with multiple ups and downs. Grateful for the people who've stood by me unfalteringly, especially Dionysia. So thankful for her! And for all the other people who have seen me through these 5 weeks; thank you for making school more bearable. So glad that I get to see some people regularly, so grateful that I always have company in between classes!

In other news, saw my eye-candy when I went for my paper that day! Prolly one of the first people I noticed, seeing as how I was barely paying attention to my surroundings. Had no idea that he was seated directly behind me until we were about to begin. Day was made, even though there were only a few hours of it left teehee.

Oh and my freshies were looking for me today, and I told them where my class was. They looked into the LT and asked me thereafter if I was seated at a particular spot. Thought they managed to locate me amongst all the backs, but apparently they guessed that I would be there cause they spotted C "every time I see C in class, I know that you will be there too!" Seriously -.-" Told them it doesn't happen all the time, to which they went, "yar it happens 99% of the time." Oh gosh. Crossing my fingers and praying that they don't start, cause word travels and most of them are aware of what's going on. Save me someone.

Council GM yesterday! Janelle was right when she predicted a year ago that I'd end up joining Council sometime during my Uni life. Wore black cause I couldn't find my white tee, sat with the seniors at the back in a bid to escape someone and everyone kept saying i act 一个 senior ):
Technically speaking I was already at the back cause I was late and so i merely moved one row back when the rest of the councillors arrived an hour after us newbies haha.

Lunch-ed, wanted to chill at Starbucks but there wasn't any space so we headed back to school. Battled the uber long queue at the u-turn due to the ippt test over at Maju Camp, blew $23 at this accessories booth over at the atruim. Damn chio stuff please haha. Phone was on the verge of death and I bought a cable out of desperation so I could charge it using Zhi Hao's laptop. As we were about to leave school for Cheryl's chalet, I realized that my portable charger was with me all along. Genius, I know.

Got a ride back home from Zhi Hao after the party, sat outside my gate with Gabby and Elroy to HTHT till 3-ish, and we randomly started playing NDP songs and singing along. And, I think I need to count the number of times I get to sit on the car seat every time we get a lift from someone.

Raya meal at Syazwan's place later in the evening, life's good. For now, time to get started on my Gender assignment proper. Ted tmr after school! Whoop whoop.

I think it's all because I haven't had any proper rest between Summer and Fall, but I'm really exhausted right now. Also because I'm taking 5 modules and 3 of them are readings-based. Oh and plus the fact that I keep having activities. Yes, I cancelled some of 'em so that I could have more time for myself but truth is that I can never have enough time for myself.

Knocked out after school and I woke up feeling tired. Dragged myself out of bed to have dinner with W; attempted to start on my Gender assignment thereafter. Well... Doing the assignment involves reading the articles so I guess I did make a head-start somewhere.

As if I'm not annoyed enough by the fact that I can no longer sleep in on Saturdays cause of tuition, I end up having to wake up even earlier every time I have to cancel tuition for some meeting in school. not.funny.at.all. Supposed to wear the white UB tee for the meeting tmr but I have no idea where mine is. So.. Black I shall wear.

Thankful for @anirutamii, love how our Thursday study sessions are turning into a weekly affair. 

"why are you alone today? aren't you always together with your other half?"
The first thing that Joel said to me when I stepped into Philo class today wts.

Anyway I seriously have no regrets allowing Chris to pyscho me into adding this module. Enjoying all the classes and today I realized that I'm somehow perkier and a tad bit happier after each class.
Even though adding this module means that I have to juggle 5 modules, I have no regrets cause this module is something I enjoy. Y'know how it is when you enjoy doing smth; every tad bit of it is fun even though you're drained. #truestory indeed. I can go for class feeling drained yet feel chirpy at the end of class. Doubt you'll ever see this, but thanks Chris! :)

food for thought: are the things around us of intrinsic or instrumental value?

Yes it might not be possible but it doesn't mean that feelings will not surface. Really dislike the fact that I was trained to read between the lines and make inferences, cause I tend to read too deep sometimes.

Proximity. Is this going to work in my favour? Earlier today, I wondered about its existence. If it doesn't exist, all these worrying and what not becomes redundant. But since I felt a tinge of sadness when I read the lines and pieced them together, does this mean that deep down, there is something? This has never been my forte, and it prolly will never be. 

On a scale of 1-10, how deep into this am i? I really have no idea. Y'know, I was hoping it would be me, but I kinda doubt it. And after what I read just now, I'm partially convinced that I know who the mysterious person is. Then again, it might just be my Lit/History instincts kicking in.

Wide awake now, but brain absorbency is at an all time low. Not very helpful since I've a quiz early tmr morning. Not forgetting the fact that Tuesdays are absolute hell: full day of classes plus tuition.

Le sigh.

wishing it is, but knowing deep down that it isn't.

sigh, this always happens.

Mass update cause I've been too lazy/busy.

The past few weeks have been jam packed, no wonder it feels like I barely rested enough before the new semester. Events, in chronological order since the end of July/start of August excluding those I've already updated about!

Ona's 21st @ Fullerton! 
prolly the most atas 21st celebration I'll attend. awesome night with loads of fun! the night ended with my virgin clubbing experience (altho it wasn't at a club haha).

somehow like this picture!

group peekture! t'was an awesome evening, no doubt :)

Fall'12 Orientation 2012!
prolly one of the best things that I've done since I started school a year ago. Orientations are an awesome way of getting to know more people and expanding your social circle. And of course, enrich your social life haha. thankful for all the wonderful friends I've made, some of whom are now classmates and confidantes! :))

got a huge ass bruise next to my eye after we banged into one another while attempting to get a hug ):

OG 1! :D

HEROES! :D

hello partner! thanks for all the guidance and whatnot :))

say hi to the person I'm taking 3 out of 5 modules with this semester! I see him more often than I see my clique even. and no, this wasn't planned. prior to Orientation, he was just a name I saw on the various Facebook pages. coincidental much?

so so glad I met you during Orientation! <3>

Umoja Earth outing
still going strong after a year! :)
Chunkfest with Nelly!
ice cream and cider on a warm Saturday afternoon.


Raya dinner over at Shahnaz's
t'was nice meeting all the Socio majors after I've been hanging out excessively with Comms/Psych/Business majors. plus yummy food! :D



Beach please.
beach outing with the OGLs a day before the dawn of the new semester. thrown into the water a gazillion times, got resigned to my fate.

Marcus's Bday.
whipped cream party.

Jabez's Bday.
the day we got Batman to do stupid things like sell an autographed disposable undies to a complete stranger, run around the canteen asking people to run for their lives cause the Joker is coming and order a plate of chicken rice without a plate lolol.
Teachers' Day dinner.
met the Ongs for dinner! Strictly Pancakes was too much to handle. the day I headed to the bridge next to Zouk to meet the UB-ers instead of heading home.
Sentosa with ODACians!
merciless sun coupled with frisbee, volleyball, saltwater, sand and great company. and who can forget sunblock?



Happy Bday JunYing!
supposed to surprise her with a flash mob in the atrium but our plan failed haha. nice lunch nonetheless!

Happy 20th, dear Nelly! :)
FatBoys and Salted Caramel! quote of the day: 'but everything you say is a tweet!' (Ong, 2012). This is what you get when you send a guy to Oxford, seriously. And its an inside joke btw.

Study session with ODACians at SMU! 
more like slacking session for some of them cause they're still on break but they came down to show their moral support! :)

UB, UOL, NTU, NUS, NIE and SUTD kids studying tgt at SMU. oh the irony.

So annoyed with my new curfew. 12mn, $15 fine per every half hour or part-thereof. For no rhyme or reason, thats the best part. Seriously. Missing out on the fun, and now the main worry whenever i'm out late is no longer whether or not there is someone who lives near me with whom I can go back with, neither is it whether or not I can catch the last train/bus home.

Would be at the bridge now with UB-ers if not for this. Like I said before, I'd have no complaints if this had been implemented after the A Levels. I had 1.5 years of fun and then they throw this bombshell. And it's not like I abused my freedom or whatnot. I think the number of times I reached home after 3am can be counted with 4 freaking fingers. I can even tell you when these occasions were if you want to know. Plus I don't reach home late every single time I'm out. So ridiculous urgh. How old am I already, seriously. Even my brother is surprised that I cannot stay over for chalets. Get how ridiculous my parents are already?

Best part is that I'm turning 21 in 4 months.

Yes, it's been fun. It's been so long since I've experienced this nice and fuzzy feeling of seeing many familiar faces around school, people you'd smile and say hi to. In the midst of all these happiness, I've been thinking a lot recently.

I'd be frank and say that my life is a mess right now; nothing is going right. Maybe I just need the courage to go ahead with my plans and not look back. I think I'm constantly looking at the shore behind me, not the one in front. Don't tell me that this is bad, cause I already know that. And there's the fear of incompetency. Perhaps this is the main issue that is affecting me right now. Yes, there are advantages to the situation but I can't help but feel this way. Not that I'm being pessimistic here or anything, but I know my inadequacies. Shot myself right in the foot before anything began. I'm such a genius, really. Someone should give me the G-double O-D cheer right now.

Then there's this issue that's been on my mind for the past 3 weeks. I'm still undecided. I honestly did not expect the current situation. The situation I envisioned in my head is a total far cry from what is going on now. Yes, it gives me more time to understand and assess the situation before making a choice, but then again too much isn't good cause there's less time to really think if its really what's in my heart and on my mind. 2 down, 13 to go. All the best to me.

Maybe I feel bad, but somehow I feel happier. It's the truth and I think it's all in the name of fun but y'all are guilt trapping me sometimes. I don't mean to be a bitch, but yeah. With that being said however, I know the repercussions of this scenario. I know that this cannot go on, unless I find new people who will stay with me throughout. Only viable alternative is to merge them all together. In the near future perhaps? I just really really hate this feeling, just so you know. Some things are beyond my control. Its not that I want to be stuck in this situation, its not that I want to ditch y'all all the time. Things just happen.

Haven't felt like this for such a long time. Or maybe I chose not to let all these thoughts affect me. This is one reason why I really dislike thinking about something. One thing leads to another and I always end up with a long list of sorrows whatnot.

Long day tmr, goodnight y'all.

End of week 1 and I must say that it's been the most enjoyable first week of school thus far. So glad I met more people during FOC, else my life in UB'd merely revolve around Socio majors. Which is kinda pathetic, seeing as how Sociology is one of the smallest majors in UB.

Mugger mode on, it's the first (and prolly only) time that I'm gonna take 5 modules, I need to constantly remind myself of this and stop playing. Oh plus the fact that I need to continue pulling up my GPA.

I love sunblock btw. It's the only reason why I'm not burnt after spending an afternoon under the sun. Got thrown into the water last week, and this week NianDeng picked me up and carried me into the water -.-"  Resigned to my fate, sigh.

Tried doing SOC 314 readings and filling in dates on my organizer but I failed terribly. Shall do something that I know will be productive: sleep.

awfully nervous about it. crossing my fingers, praying that everything will be fine.

I have no recollection of half of what happened last night. No idea what happened with the ang-moh dude, no idea what happened with the kiss. Best part was that I had no recollection of how I ended up at Gabby's house after alighting from the cab. Win.
(edit: 6th Sept 2012.
So apparently the kiss was all a lie, and I was asleep when the ang-moh dude appeared. Is that any consolation? But the last bit is still wiped out, weirdly enough. Cause I remember what happened after I woke up; I remember what I said/did, i even remembered protesting when I had to reveal something.)

All I know is that I was half-asleep most of the time, and that I puked in the river. I remember small snippets of things here and there but the significant happenings are totally foreign to me. I honestly thought that Gabby and Elroy were bluffing me. Until I saw the Whatsapp convo.

Thankful that I had a convincing story, although there was a major loophole; one that my parents picked on immediately. Coast is clear for now, although they're uber disappointed. :/
Truth be told, I feel guilty too.

Dear mummy and daddy,
I'm sorry for lying to you about last night. Truth is that I was out having fun. I know y'all are disappointed with the my-keys-were-with-my-friend-and-his-phone-died-so-I-couldn't-contact-him-and-y'all-were-asleep-so-I-couldn't-come-home explantation, and I can't imagine the amount of disappointment when y'all find out the truth. Less than 7 hours after telling you guys and I'm already guilt-ridden. 

:/