Y'know, I'm doing everything but studying. The finals for this Sociology module of mine shouldn't be MCQs, there is hardly any motivation for me to study. Urgh, so annoying.

Anyway, I met YunJia yst! After the longest time. Had KFC! Haven't had that for the longest time. Same goes for gassy drinks. Dinner yst was just ultimate shiokness, teehee. 20th Dec 20th Dec! It's been so long since I did girly stuff, gosh. I miss hanging out with girl friends who'd do all the girly stuff with me. 2 are in the army, 1 is having her A Levels, the other was busy with school, sigh.

I miss my girlfriends, really ):
Why is it so hard to find people who'd entertain all my girly tendancies as well as my outdoor-ish nature?

Was watching The Pupil, and I found it amusing how lawyers can fight against one another in court, yet are an item/good friends. Wait, more of admiration cause they know how to draw the line btw work and personal life. But still, it is funny. Enemies one moment, lovers/friends the next. Opposite ends of the spectrum huh.

And its disgusting that many people have ulterior motives behind what they do. Esp when the person seems like someone uber respectable, until you realize they have some underground dealings.

Never really thought local English dramas were good, until I chanced upon this one. The actors don't act all angmo-ish and all, they portray how Singaporeans behave. Rather professional IMO.

The law profession is an interesting one, and lawyers are actually very nobel, offering their services to anyone who needs help, anyone from all walks of life, never waving the white flag until they've exhausted all options. And often, its heartwarming to see the appreciation they get from their clients, irregardless of whether the judge ruled in their favour. Or also the look of satisfaction on the faces of the lawyers after they have successfully convinced the judge to rule in their favour.

That being said, this profession is also a stressful one, with many lawyers working round the clock. Honestly, I take my hats off to the lawyers.

Oh and btw, I think Adrian Pang is cute/hot. Like superduperultramegafreakingcute and superduperultramegafreakinghot. Gosh. 

Anw, back to The Pupil. It was the last episode yesterday, and all along I've had a fairly good impression of the drama. And then it ends rather ambiguously. Or maybe it's just me asking for too much? The ending was totally OMG I swear. I was watching the clock, and I was wondering how they were gonna conclude so many things in such a short span of time. Then kaboom, the head of the law firm dies (?) and it has been revealed that the Pupil has a hand in this entire thing. Worse still, he was the son of murderer who was the twin brother of this guy who committed suicide in Season 1 because of a super huge law suit. And the show ended. I was in shock.

Highly doubt there's gonna be a Season 3, cause apart from that revalation, almost everything can be inferred. Except for one lawyer's future and the issue with Adrian Pang's relationship.

SIGH.

Was reading through random Tumblr accounts of people I know, came across this entry.

Its been months. It may seem that I have moved on but I never did. The feeling of regret and rejection continuously haunts me that I got to admit, leads me to face minor breakdowns. Its easy for many to say, Move on, God has made plans for you and you should follow his ways. But when you look at how other’s lives are going, you just become so envious that the same feeling comes back all over again. Why didnt I do this? Or why didnt I do that? I guess this phase in my life is going to take a pretty long time for me to recover from. 

I found myself being able to relate totally to it. Especially at this point in time.
Are we talking about the same thing here? Maybe, maybe not.

The styles are so freaking different that it makes me more envious.

Oh wells. I should get back to Sociology.
And I think I've been neglecting my Tumblr, till its being flooded with all my Instagram uploads. Most of which, are of food. Makes it look more like a food blog, haha.

SCHOOL'S OUT! *jumps around the room*

All that's left of the Fall'11 semester are the Finals. Which doesn't really take up a large percentage of my grade, anyway. It isn't as good as it seems to be, cause the lower the percentage, the lower the motivation and drive to study. *pouts*

I'm so glad all the deadlines are over. With the exception of one more ESL essay which I'm more or less done. I'm so superduperultramega glad that the MUS journals won't be there to haunt me anymore. Y'know what the air smells like now? FREEDOM.

I spent the last 3 days chionging most of the entries, and just as I was rejoicing that I was done at 3am, I realized that I miscounted. I still had one more. Sucky feeling okay. ):
I hope he doesn't realize that mine is last minute work. I even changed the dates and all luh. Hahahaha. Although I admit, the content is kinda rubbish.
In any case, yay the module's overrrrrrrrrrr!

I swear she's just getting more and more ridiculous.
Hello, yes I was at home but I was busy yesterday. And since when was it a crime to head downstairs to buy dinner? "No time still can go downstairs a while" Yes I had to go down cause someone doesn't cook dinner at home. So what, I have to starve since I'm busy? Stop saying I can cook noodles, you know I don't want to cause its freaking unhealthy. Esp since there is dinner like only once every 2 weeks, don't tell me to expect me to eat noodles for the other days? Urgh.

You didn't have to piss me off in the morning right.. And I'm not a morning person. Esp when someone steps on my tail. Doesn't help that we were rushing to finish our Socio Research Paper last night and I overslept as a result. Urgh.

Nvm, I shall be positive. It's Friday! :D

So. I knocked out last night after finishing one-third of my essay. Woke up to a rude shock this morning when I realized it was already 8:45am. Believe it or not, I was done in an hour. And I finished the entire essay, not only the draft. Mavis read through it and went, "How did you write so much in 1.5 hours?" Honestly, I don't know. But no matter what, thank you daddy God! (:

And it's been confirmed that I work better under pressure. For 2 journal assignments that I did at the eleventh hour, I had an A grade. Same goes for my Mid Term essay. A freaking A grade. Compare and contrast with the other journals and take-home essays? B. Maybe I should just do all my work at the eleventh hour, seriously -.-"

Oh anw, I have totally no idea what to write for the note. Esp since it's going through S. If it's direct, maybe I'd have stuff to talk about. I can't exactly include all the inside-jokes and all. I mean, yes I can cause no one's gonna judge me. But still...
Anyhow, I'm still quite glad S asked me. Truth be told, I was kinda shocked and surprised to receive the FB message. Ahh but who cares; even if she sent it to a gazillion other people, I'm still happy that I'm remembered. :)

Btw I cooked pasta for dinner. Waaaay too much pasta, too little sauce. Sigh, my life sucks like that. Oh but yay, I have a ready stash of food at home now! In preparation for next week. I'm gonna stay at home like a good girl. Plus, I need to save money too uh. Can't wait for next Friday, next Saturday and the following Saturday! :D :D :D :D :D :D

Oh and yeah. Pinned up my fringe for the first time this semester; do I really look that different? Mavis was trying to locate me among the crowd in the canteen but failed, and she said, "I think I couldn't find you at first cause you look different today."

Huh, really meh D:

Okay, back to Socio research paper. For now.

ESL 407 essay draft; minimum 750 words due 23rd November. Status: UNTOUCHED
SOC 101 research paper; due 25th November. Status: a lot of loose ends
MUS 113 journals; minumum 12 entries due 28th November. Status: only 4 completed.

Someone save me please.
And I need my sleep now.

On another note, 2nd last Math lesson tmr! Can't wait to stop having his classes, seriously.

Bella, I'm sorry for putting you in a spot. 
It's just that I'm afraid I'd ruin the night for both of us. I just don't want a repeat of what happened the other time, I'm afraid I'll end up ignoring her and finding as many reasons as possible to talk to other people when we're together.


Maybe I just don't trust myself to act like nothing ever happened without first telling her the reason.


And it's supposed to be a happy, once-in-a-lifetime experience.
I know it's selfish of me to not want her around but I really can't trust myself. I don't know what I should do. 

I'm sorry.

OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT MUS113 JOURNAL SUBMISSION IN A WEEK'S TIME.

I need ideas for 8 more journals, anyone with any inspiration? Anything to do with music :/

#panicmode

Nadia's 21st on Saturday, and I was the youngest guest!

Put my art skills to the test, it was really a random and last minute 'project'. But glad it turned out fine. Oh and I like what we got her! Total last minute. The item we had in mind for about one month suddenly wasn't feasible on the eve of the party. And all suggestions didn't really suit her. On the verge of giving cash, until WanRu and I decided to get stuff from Junction 8. Last minute brain-wave, haha.

I felt so bright at the party, all thanks to my rainbow maxi. And oh I felt damn tall too! I was even taller than YuanLin! I think if Gwend was present I'd be taller too teehee. Awesome feeling.

Cabbed home with ChunWei and WanRu; the latter and I suddenly didn't feel like going home after we dropped him off. So we had ice-cream instead. I  must say, I like sitting on swings and chit-chatting (:

Oh and Miss Liu, if you're reading this,
I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH CHIANG CHUN WEI.

I think it's just me, it always rains whenever I want to swim.

That happened for all the previous times I said I'd hit the pool. The weather looked good this morning, but I decided to swim in the late afternoon cause I didn't want a tan.

Caught Tin Tin with M, and after the movie I was otw to the swimming complex when M noticed there were dark clouds near the complex. Dejected, we took the bus home. As we passed by the swimming complex, all of a sudden the sun came out >:(

Decided to swim at Serangoon/M's house. As we were walking towards her house, we felt raindrops -.-"

Changed, and the rain got lighter. Swam a lil, and the rain really poured.

Really, what's wrong with me? *inserts sad and helpless face*

You know what's a miracle?
I haven't seen anyone from the ODAC clique for close to THREE WEEKS. Amazing or amazing? I used to see someone from the clique at least once a week. Either for study sessions, for a quick dinner, or simply around school.

I actually find it hard to believe that its been soooo long.
I miss everyone, really.


Uber looking forward to the party on Saturday! Oh and the Insp's bash. Hahahaha.

Was talking to W just now and sigh, I miss SRJC.
A year after leaving the school, nothing has changed, I still love the college a lot.
After my exams okayzx! I can't wait.

Timetable for Spring 2012's out, but I'm gonna make a few changes. 6 modules is a total no-no for me, I'll die. And I'll prolly change one of my lecturers for one module, which means I need to change my entire timetable.
Which also means I can say goodbye to having friends with the exact same schedule as me. Sigh.

I remember all the panic attacks one year ago;
I remember the moment of desperation when my brain could no longer absorb anything on the eve of History Paper 2;
I remember the intense angst when the essay question that came out was the exact same essay outline that P had confiscated from me 'cause I was too stressed', which resulted in me not being able to answer it;
I remember crying after the paper cause I was so disappointed in myself;
I remember feeling so dumb cause I left out an impt word in my GP essay which might result in me failing the paper;
I remember breaking down while revising for History Paper 1 and Math cause I was so bloody stressed;
I remember the moment of desperation when I realized I was at a dead-end cause I couldn't do one compulsory question during History;
I remember walking out of the hall and telling Miss Liu/Mr Ong that I wanted to re-take my A Levels;
I remember feeling so screwed after Lit Paper 1 cause Mr Ng told the J1 H1 kids that the paper was an easy one when I couldn't even do it;
I remember not submitting one sheet of my answers for Econs, thank God for Sadiq;
I remember feeling on Cloud Nine after walking out of the hall;
I remember the extreme jubilation after Lit Paper 5.

A year on, I can't say that I'm glad I chose not to retake the A Levels. But I can say that I'm quite happy where I am. Was I glad I allowed W to psycho me not to re-take the A's? Well I'm not sure. Since I didn't, I'm living with the guilt that I screwed up my best 2 subjects.
But through all of these, I have learnt to look beyond the imperfections in life. If we keep looking at what we didn't do, we'll always be trapped in our past. I have mastered the skills of appreciating what I have right before my eyes, instead of harping on what could have been.

Everything happens for a reason. :)

My hair reeks of chemicals from my appt at the hair salon this afternoon.

The hair stylist is disgustingly annoying. Was deciding btw 2 colours, A and B. Asked for advice and I was told that B will be more yellowish. Since I'm already rather tanned, I chose A. After washing, I asked why there isn't any obvious difference. "oh, you can see it after blow-drying your hair." Fair enough, I saw the colour. But it wasn't visible, asked her why. "oh, cause you chose A. So it came out as C, which is darker. If you had chosen B, it'll come out as A."
And i was, 'Why didn't you freaking tell me when I was choosing?!'

Hope the colour fades a little after more washes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REGINA!

Love you deep deep <3

Sometimes, it still mystifies me.
Or was it actually a figment of my imagination?

Y'know how somethings in life are uncomprehendable?
Well, this is one of them.

I look back at that period and I actually find it hard to believe that what happened, happened.
And how there's literally nothing left of it.

Just memories.

I HAVE MEAN FRIENDS >:(

Hate it when there's a clash btw 2 events. Kannan, I know you'll prolly never read this but sorry in advance kae, high possibility that I won't be able to cheer for you at the pageant.
Sigh, kind of dreading his reaction when he finds out I won't be attending the bash :/

Anw I totally concussed while researching for Socio research paper yst. Slept for 17 hours, total madness. Y'know what's the worst part? I'm still tired.

Sometimes, idk what goes through my mind. I know that there's smth on my mind, yet I don't really know what is disturbing me. Maybe there're just too many things.

Y'know, sometimes I just want to be by my lonesome. Shut myself out from all that's happening around me and spend some time alone. There's something oddly therapeutic about me-time.
I think I'd like to know the reason why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden.
PMS? Maybe. Then again, maybe not.

Sidenote, I ate dinner 3 times this evening. Now, I'm hungry.
And I feel like going swimming tmrw afternoon.

Just realized that 12 hours from now, I'll prolly be otw home/already home/out enjoying my Friday. And yes, its a viscous cycle. 8:30am class tmr and I cannot fall asleep.

Sorry for the randomness btw.

On many occasions, I open up my dashboard, wanting to blog about something.
After a few sentences, I stop. As I read what I've typed out, I think to myself, "nah, I shouldn't be saying this on 'http://the-apple-crumble.blogspot.com'

Then I highlight all the words and hit the 'delete' key.

Maybe that's why I have a diary.

Just a quick (and proper) update before I start revising for Math.

Finals in slightly more than a month and if you really want to know the truth, I'm not particularly worried. Maybe it's because everything that we do now adds up to our GPA so it doesn't really make that much of a difference. I think I should be thankful that I was allocated modules that're not demanding this semester. Next semester looks tough. And honestly, sometimes I wonder why people shun things that are difficult. If we're always doing things that we are good at/can do, won't we remain stagnant forever? Aren't all the challenges and obstacles in our life there to mould us into better people? They add colour to our lives, don't you think so?

Had a nice chat with Y otw home just now, and I really don't know. People move closer, but I feel myself moving further and further away. Didn't really expect J to ask actually. Just not this week I guess.

With love, Jessica