Maybe sometimes, all I need is a little push to realize what I have been oblivious to all along. I keep saying that I'm not. But somehow deep down, I have this feeling that I want it to become reality.

Sigh, instead of studying for MUS 113 I let my mind wander off and think of all these. Tsk, Jessica, can you please focus? You know you want to sleep early tonight and you ain't those who'd sacrifice revision for the sake of sleep. If given a choice, you'd rather not sleep before a paper if it enables you to finish internalizing all the content.
I honestly think its a very bad habit cause 'by not sleeping you're negating all that you studied'. - W.

Still rmb those wise words spoken a year ago. :)

Was reading through random Tumblr accounts of people I know, came across this entry.

Its been months. It may seem that I have moved on but I never did. The feeling of regret and rejection continuously haunts me that I got to admit, leads me to face minor breakdowns. Its easy for many to say, Move on, God has made plans for you and you should follow his ways. But when you look at how other’s lives are going, you just become so envious that the same feeling comes back all over again. Why didnt I do this? Or why didnt I do that? I guess this phase in my life is going to take a pretty long time for me to recover from. 

I found myself being able to relate totally to it. Especially at this point in time.
Are we talking about the same thing here? Maybe, maybe not.

The styles are so freaking different that it makes me more envious.

Oh wells. I should get back to Sociology.
And I think I've been neglecting my Tumblr, till its being flooded with all my Instagram uploads. Most of which, are of food. Makes it look more like a food blog, haha.

Bella, I'm sorry for putting you in a spot. 
It's just that I'm afraid I'd ruin the night for both of us. I just don't want a repeat of what happened the other time, I'm afraid I'll end up ignoring her and finding as many reasons as possible to talk to other people when we're together.


Maybe I just don't trust myself to act like nothing ever happened without first telling her the reason.


And it's supposed to be a happy, once-in-a-lifetime experience.
I know it's selfish of me to not want her around but I really can't trust myself. I don't know what I should do. 

I'm sorry.

Sometimes, idk what goes through my mind. I know that there's smth on my mind, yet I don't really know what is disturbing me. Maybe there're just too many things.

Y'know, sometimes I just want to be by my lonesome. Shut myself out from all that's happening around me and spend some time alone. There's something oddly therapeutic about me-time.
I think I'd like to know the reason why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden.
PMS? Maybe. Then again, maybe not.

Sidenote, I ate dinner 3 times this evening. Now, I'm hungry.
And I feel like going swimming tmrw afternoon.

Just realized that 12 hours from now, I'll prolly be otw home/already home/out enjoying my Friday. And yes, its a viscous cycle. 8:30am class tmr and I cannot fall asleep.

Sorry for the randomness btw.

Just a quick (and proper) update before I start revising for Math.

Finals in slightly more than a month and if you really want to know the truth, I'm not particularly worried. Maybe it's because everything that we do now adds up to our GPA so it doesn't really make that much of a difference. I think I should be thankful that I was allocated modules that're not demanding this semester. Next semester looks tough. And honestly, sometimes I wonder why people shun things that are difficult. If we're always doing things that we are good at/can do, won't we remain stagnant forever? Aren't all the challenges and obstacles in our life there to mould us into better people? They add colour to our lives, don't you think so?

Had a nice chat with Y otw home just now, and I really don't know. People move closer, but I feel myself moving further and further away. Didn't really expect J to ask actually. Just not this week I guess.

The thought did cross my mind previously.
Maybe that was the reason why I told Short Girl I wanted to go with her for one Saturday.

Kinda faded, and today it came back. And I've been thinking.
It was just... different. Peace? A feeling not felt for a long time?

Y'know when something no longer gives you the vibes it once did/it is supposed to?
The feeling ceases and you question if you're actually going through the motions.
Then all of a sudden, the emotions are stirred up. But in a different environment.

What if I tell you I want to leave familiar territory and go into a foreign land? Then again, its a thought and in the event I want to move, ask me where I'm headed and I'll tell you I don't know.

Hate the red-tape shit also.
And there's the question of whether or not it is a calling or just the devil at work.

To be honest, nothing has troubled me THIS much for a long time.
Or maybe choosing btw RMIT and UB did.
My future's at stake anw.

disclaimer: i have no idea what is running through your mind as you read this. if it's filled with question marks, leave it. if it's something else, I'd suggest you ask me before speculating. oh i forgot to mention that not anyone who asks will get the answer. 

Goodnight everyone.