I think life is playing a cruel joke on me. the week i have multiple meetups is also the week with a gazillion deadlines. and the former was planned with no prior knowledge of the latter. champion, i know. plus i think i'm on the verge of falling sick. been so busy of late that i've hardly had time to chill, much less get adequate rest.

in other news, can't help but feel disappointed. ironic much, because I'm trying really hard to get it out of my system, and this actually works in my favour. somehow can't help but miss the old times, sigh. and i think there's a little disgust thrown into the sea of feelings, because i'm kinda surprised at the state we're in right now. makes me wonder why everything started in the first place and if that's the only reason why this has sustained for such a long time.

oh well, things will get better.

(i hope)

the amazing thing about the human mind is that even though you haven't been to a place for the past couple of years, you are somehow still able to find your way around instinctively. maybe its like a camera, capturing all the precious moments in life and saving it in a memory card, ready for retrieval when the situation deems fit.

spent a bit of my childhood staying over at my aunt's place in Bedok, and that day when I decided to pop by after playing badminton with Beer Family, everything felt the same. even though the shops in the area had changed, and the blocks had a new coat of paint, i found myself in familiar territory. turned into the carpark where her block was, and i just walked straight, knowing exactly where to go. and when i got to the block, i instinctively knew which lift to take, and which direction i should turn after reaching the correct level. really glad we moved badminton to the East, and really glad i decided to pop by her place. 'twas an escape from the ugly realities of life, albeit temporal.

that day was undoubtedly one of the best in a long while, although i was exceptionally whiny for god knows what reason. ventured into unfamiliar territory to meet J for lunch, and he gives ultra horrible instructions zomg. really wanted to kill him so badly. but lunch was really good, missed all his nonsense haha. plus it was a really very random meetup!

the weird thing is that although all these things happened, my day was still kinda mehhhhh. happy moments followed by a bout of 'ugh why is life like that' feeling. can't understand the human mind sometimes too oh well.

5 more weeks till the end of Spring! woohoo awesome possum.

finally submitted my first post for Philo blog debate, and lesson learnt: last minute work for Philo is impossible. especially since this is a one-man show this semester. superduperultramega thankful for Wenrong tho! think my post would have been an epic disaster if not for him :D

was about to finally head to bed, when I saw the reply email from the tenant of the house we wanted to rent in San Diego. the hell, the house is stated as available on the site but in reality, its not. so now, we're homeless. of all the 3 possible ones that are in the area and within budget, this is the only one with a washer and dryer sighh. how now, brown cow?

bleahhh okay i need to head to bed now, lest i refuse to get out of bed in the morning. Monday blues, please spare me tmr alright!

MID-SEMESTER SYNDROME.

today was a horrible day. or maybe i just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and that lessons just happened to be downright boring, horrible or depressing.

6 more weeks to freedom.

this morning, i woke up, felt lazy, turned off my alarm and went back to bed. to be honest, i'm pretty sick of school.  especially since the end of the semester means that Summer is coming. and Summer = Berkeley!

TWO AND A HALF MORE MONTHS!!
mad excited, i really really cannot wait :D

was applying for housing with the roomie the other day, and for some weird reason, her profile on the page just states her age. no name, no nothing. i keyed in her student ID and found this 20 year old person. took the risk and requested to be her roomie. she received the request but the two of us were so paranoid that we chose someone else as our roomie since i had no idea if the 20 year old was really her. so we resorted to sending messages to one another just to make us feel better. hahaha epic moment.

hello you,

you came unexpectedly and halfway through the process, i started to wonder if it was even a good idea. after it was completed however, i stared in admiration. it was beautiful. had to wait a long time for it to settle, but as they say, good things are always worth the wait.

and then it started to display signs of wear and tear much sooner than expected. but in the midst of it all, i still loved it, and somehow just looking at it made me happy. i guess it's all about looking at the big picture and not allowing little imperfections and flaws to cloud your judgements; its all about tolerance. but as the days passed, somehow the damage became worse. as much I couldn't bear to remove it, the sight of my nails kinda became an eye sore.

under normal circumstances, one cotton patch would suffice. however this time, i had much difficultly removing it and even after using 4 patches and a lot more effort, it seems as though there are slight traces of it left on my nails. or maybe it's just me thinking too much. but i do know for a fact that my nails somehow feel rough now. to everyone, my nails may look the same, but it seems as though my nails are changed forever.

maybe someday i'll get to relieve those happy moments again. but even though the colour may still be the same, the journey will undoubtedly be different. or maybe I'll be happier with a new coat.

in any case, know that i loved you very much, and even though i had my doubts initially, i did not regret my both my eventual decisions. i will really miss the happy moments, and till we meet again.

xoxo,
Jessica

feels as though everything has just been an elaborate lie;
i really don't know if i still want this;
i really don't think i can put up with this any much longer.

just know that all of these hurts;
don't be surprised if i chose to walk out of the door and not look back.

'twas a pretty epic day, although my day started out horridly. woke up at the time I was supposed to leave home for school, comtemplated for 3 minutes if I should pon, ended up going anyway. was only 10 mins late, thankfully.

attempted taking a nap in the afternoon but every time i fell asleep, someone would call me to wake me up after an hour zzz. after the second call, i was too tired and annoyed to bother about calls anymore. slept through 2 of my aunt's calls and she ended up texting me. picked up the fifth call tho, and it was Jason, calling to tell me that our dinner plans were still on. thanks for guessing that i was asleep and for calling to let me know/wake me up! much appreciated :))


Swee Choon with the Beer Family was as epic as ever. headed over to Thomson for supper thereafter, and one car got lost in the process. met a few people there too, small world huh. and everyone kept taking what I said out of context pfft. last warning y'all. but in any case, i really had a great night haha. love y'all deep deep~ and thanks for the ride home, Jason! :)

oh and in the process of my day drifting in and out of sleep, i forgot that i had a project meeting at 10pm. super apologetic now, but thanks for being understanding guys :/

feel like i wasted my entire day zzz. time to be productive now.

my printer just bled blue ink cause i turned it over to connect the usb cable and now my hands are blue.

but at least my documents have finally been scanned, so we can finally book our flight to Berkeley! :)